by Randy Johnson |
Categories:
funny
(THIS IS A FICTIONAL POEM)
It was a horrible thing that I saw.
My girlfriend wears a padded bra.
Her chest is flatter than a pancake.
It made me mad because her boobs are fake.
She got excited when I started to flirt.
As she jumped up and down, the falsies came flying out of her shirt.
She was so embarrassed that her face turned red.
It was a day that she was bound to dread.
I love her and I decided to give her another chance.
I can't judge her because I always have a radiator hose in my pants.
by Cona Adams |
Categories:
animal, emotions, humorous, hyperbole, lost love, lust,
A Spenserian Sonnet
(Mr. Snake falls in love with a garden hose)
Today I slithered up a grassy hill,
wet from the creek and eager to explore.
The urge to snare a mate devoured my will,
could not this be the day for me to score?
I spot you there beside the garden door,
your slick green shape pervades my hungry sight.
Your golden head criss-cross my eyes before
your trim tight coil peals visions of delight.
Yet when I push my moves into the light
your body squirms and grows before my eyes,
and dread arises in a burst of fright.
You spit at me in angry spurts, surprise
me with a gush of clear and liquid spray,
while I make haste to scuttle fast away.
by Tim Smith |
Categories:
i miss you, summer,
Summer days drift away
carrying freedom's smile in tow
misted rainbows make memories
lost within a kink in the hose
Drips from the faucet start to slow
marigolds out in the fading garden
gasp for one last and final drink
before bowing to a hardened earth
Darkness takes over daydreams
beating down ever-early new sunsets
water fowl sing their final goodbyes
as with warm breezes south they fly
Farewell my love farewell
I weep for your return
by Johnny Rhinem |
Categories:
baby, love,
Why else would they be gay ? Highly doubtful that
They were born such a way I mean, hey, we all know
Aliens conspired with the Fallon Angels to over turn sexuality
Of mans strotum quotum quantum pontum theory in evolution's sub
Delirium zone they devised at first hint towards this, Creation ? After all
Surely it is a self evident truth that certain species given one's colour hair texture
Shape of their nose as some hose are also possessed at least obsessed amid another's
Yearical impirical spherical tearical burn the _itch at the stake are inferior yes, to pearly mates.
by Bob Quinn |
Categories:
allegory,
Big straw hat and cut off jeans
with boondockers on his feet
shirtless with shades and a can of beer
a redneck is beating the heat
He joins his son in the kiddie pool
filled with the garden hose
keeping cool is easy for him
he just wears fewer clothes
He has airconditioners in his truck
both rolled all the way down
the kids and dog ride in back
when they drive on into town
When the lawn is mowed he watches Cops
and he's still in love with his wife
no college degree is required
to improve his quality of life
He's an Army vet and a Christian
and votes mostly Democrat
his pay goes for just what he needs
and he's perfectly happy with that
by Elaine Miller |
Categories:
family,
folding chairs
folding clothes
climb the stairs
the garden hose
needs rewound
writing tablets
writing checks
feed the cat
the kids have yet
to come home
washing machine
washing dishes
fix my hair
send best wishes
to the newly-weds
cleaning rags
cleaning rugs
clean the house
making love
while planning
a new kitchen
by James Starkey Iii |
Categories:
pain,
"But loads of mommies love to 69."
-- with the long hose
the pool boy
a punster
* * *
Each Mother's Day we honor tubes untied --
which yet on someone horny full relied.
* * *
a dedication of Respect
for
the countless best mothers in the whole
wide world
a revolving helios couplet menippean satire on
saints
may, 2023 -- yet for mommies untold
sex with pecs
still hotter than
sex with daddy's
man boobs
. . .
feetnotes
Words -- 69
Warning -- For the Mature and Responsible Only
by Morgan Maring |
Categories:
beauty, care, career, child,
Mama
The one who wipes your nose and rinses you off with a hose.
She picks you up and you drop your cup.
You make a mess and she ruined her new dress.
Your toys are left out but she never pouts.
The crying never stops until you suddenly saw rain drops.
Dad comes home to save the day and mom wants to hit the hay.
Your first word was candy because you couldn’t say Andy.
Nothing beats mamas love yet she’s as calm as a dove.
by Christopher Allen |
Categories:
humor, humorous, love,
It's not a crack to the skull
But the yolk is prepared in a bowl
It is diluted with water
It's not a pint over the head
But the beer from a bottle
It is diluted with water
It's not fish n chips on the scalp
But the vinegar from a cruet
It is diluted with water
These are all genuine ways to
Hose down that shock of and
That riotous abundance of
Curtain-like congestion
Rainbow
Long
Drawn
Out
I love you
by Michael Degenhardt |
Categories:
happiness, love, nature, seasonsday, fun,
The hot day called for enjoyment outside
As her playfulness gave way to water games
The hose was alive in her hands as it sprayed
Dousing me with fun, love and affection
The smile on her face signaled her joy
As in retaliation, her clothes clung, dampened
Two could never have as much fun as we shared
On that once hot day in the summer
Retiring to a cool room would be perfect
But, perfection became a preference, a choice
As we continued our summer fun and frolic
Enjoying the heat of the day, before the heat of the night
by Dana Means |
Categories:
imagination, love, visionary, love,
To my soul sistah my morning star
My stormy when there is bad weather
I can't explain what you do to my soul inexplainable but its love
Its raining in my mind
For your grace and wisdom has touched me forever
I'm into you and its true
I feel blessed with and knowing you
I wish I could wrap my arms around your pain
And hose it down with this true love rain
I'm here no matter what
I'm standing next to you even when I'm not
I love my stormy in all kinds of weather.
by Tracy Mcfayden |
Categories:
garden, nature, sunshine,
Walking into my garden,
I notice things need doing,
Fence needs painting,
Weeding and pruning,
And the grass needs cutting.
Do not !!!! Get me started on the decking,
I will cut the hedge instead,
Greenhouse needs washing,
Plants need potting,
Think I will forget the ... decking.
Hose pipes got a leak,
So has the shed,
Turf needs hoovering,
Pebbles need brushing,
I love my garden.
It all gets done in a week or two,
It's then sit back, relax and enjoy the view,
That's not the decking
by Leon Enriquez |
Categories:
allegory,
Wonder works well
A sacred tell;
Ponder love's spell
As thought now dwells.
Glimpse grandeur here
In ample cheer;
Love sparkles dear
With heart most clear.
Learn to use mind
To seek and find;
Go beyond grind
To see not blind.
Charm wears a face
That greets mad place;
Keep touch with grace
In time and space.
Know what you know
In hidden glow;
Sense a fond flow
As love now shows.
Keep stillness close
In easy dose;
Silence can pose
Deep oozing hose.
Be without fear
With troubles near;
Seize grip of cheer
To dare be clear.
Leon Enriquez
28 June 2016
Singapore
by Sandra Wilson |
Categories:
black african american, devotion, family, history, lost love, love, peace, water, water,
When the bricks were being thrown in the windows
when the cross were being burnt on the front lawn
when irate callers called in the middle of the night with threats ans racial slurs
she stood by her man
When Reverend King preached from the pulpit
when he gave speeches in front of crowds
when the sit-ins were demonstrated
when the police locked Dr. King in jail
she stood by her man
as the water sprayed form the water hose at full blast
during the speech "Free At Last"
conveying the message about the Promised Land
when her husband raised his hand
Coretta Scott stood by her man
by Cona Adams |
Categories:
desire, love, passion,
(Mr. Snake falls in love with a garden hose)
I came out of hiding to explore
territory I'd never seen before.
I slithered up and over the hill;
everything was quiet and still.
I spotted you lying there,
coiled so perfect, skin so fair.
"Head over heels" at first sight.
Hold on baby, I'll be back tonight.
Just as I would have turned to go
your body moved, began to grow
and before my unbelieving eyes,
sputtering and spitting, began to rise.
A human appeared, held you fast;
moved you around, watering the grass.
I scurried away in rapid flight,
certain our love couldn’t be right.
by Jimmy Anderson |
Categories:
daughter, family, inspirational, loveday, love,
D ark day will sometimes arrive
A nd when I think of my daughters I feel so alive!
U conditional love keeps me strong
G od's blessings never go wrong
H appeness overrules all my sadness
T hose three little girls I love with all I possess!
E ven if I'm having a bad day and things aren't going right;
R ed cheeks of laughter with my babies at play is a wonderful sight!
S o when dark moments arrive I think of them and feel so alive!!!!
*For Farah Chammas contest "My Favorite Things"
by Russell Sivey |
Categories:
beach, love,
Seeking her vitals, her heart sings an honorable tune
Open the fire hose to quench the fire’s raging soul
Piercing scream opens your passage towards grace
No matter the savings of your account, a true blessing
Prodding her delightful eyes, so radiant of tri-color
No shoes can resist her pleasant walk of being calm
Present yourself a loving formula; yes, it’ll be noticed
Peace to belong to walking the beach in the moonlight
Nothing escapes the hole of darkness, but the light of love
And she holds each card of the cynical, oracle’s crystal
Ball, which leaves none to die without a grain of sand
Placed in an hourglass, tempting time to present itself
Russell Sivey
by Sam Harty |
Categories:
love,
Can I want to be
Oh so much like you
Maybe instead of who I am
Easily able to walk away
Beyond even giving a damn
Always ready to open or
Close any old door I choose
Kicking to the curb
Those I deem mere refuse
Of course then you wouldn't
Matter as much as now you do
Existing without you surely I'd be blue.
©Sam Harty
by Paige Turner |
Categories:
animal, dog, fun, happy, pets, silly, sweet,
My pet dog, Smudge
I wish he'd smell of fudge
instead he stinks of poo
Smudge, I say this cos it's true
You and your big tiger feet
your love for me is sweet
but now it's time for your bath
Smudge thinks I'm having a laugh
He's now sprawled out on the floor
and won't come in the bathroom door
Oh Smudge what am I to do?
cos you really stink of poo
One idea I suppose
is to douse you with the hose
and get you all nice and clean
he probably thinks I'm being mean
Now my pet dog Smudge
he actually smells of fudge
Smudge no longer stinks of poo
cos I used fudge smelling shampoo
by Aerial Dampier |
Categories:
family
I live in a hose where everybody is crazy
And most of all they are all so lazy
I am the only one that cooks and clean
Cause everybody else they are all so mean
They don't how to sit still
But me I just sit back and chill
I have a lot of love that I try to share
But no one in the house seems to care
They are not the family I thought they would be
I just had to open up my eyes now I can see
I don't know why they act the way they do
They need to go somewhere and find a clue
I just don't what to say
I just need some red bull so I can fly away