by Tom Cunningham |
Categories:
funny, humor,
There was a lumberjack from Borehamwood
A chainsaw mishap took off his manhood
His Love life now a mess
And it caused him great stress
So he made himself one out of some wood .
~
He went to bed one night full of desire
Sue his wife put on her sexy attire
Things got steamy and hot
He gave it all he got
But with passion and friction it caught fire .
Written 5th March 2019.
For make me actually LOL 2 poetry contest
Sponsored by Nina Parmenter.
by Jslambert Mister Roboto |
Categories:
allegory, fantasy, father, funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, happiness, health, hope, husband, imagination, life, love, passion, people, places, romance, social, wife,
There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'
but when it got little
his pills became skittles
until he O.D.'d on Viagra
© ~JSLambert 2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!
by Mary Nagy |
Categories:
angst, daughter, family, funny, happiness, life, love, car,
Princess just wants a new car.
I have told her that hers will go far.
'Oh, it's really not cool
driving this crap to school.'
'Do I need that emotional scar? '
'The kids will all laugh at the rust.
When we race, I'll be left in the dust!
I will save up some cash
then we'll make a mad dash
to the car dealer surely you trust'.
'He will make us a wonderful deal
and I'm sure you will know how I feel.
I will love you so much,
My siblings... I won't touch.
Just get me behind a new wheel'!
Now she'll be cruisin in style.
She'll be happy for only awhile.
There will always be better
and we'll try hard to get her
a car that will make princess smile.
by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories:
funny, holiday
All year long he puts my heart on a shelf
No surprise I’d rather be by myself
If there’s no Valentine treat
From this worthless hunk of meat
He can go on making love to himself
Remember there’s an “I” in Valentine
So if no one’s around to say, “Be mine”
Just splurge – get a new hairdo
Party with an all-girl crew
Check out the divorce rate and say, “I’m fine”
*For Francine's Valentine Limerick contest
by Arthur Vaso |
Categories:
funny, humor,
I wrote a poem of despair
My hearts been tossed up into the air
She wrote a limerick that was taboo
She made me laugh when I was so blue
Entering stage left was Tim
Writing of past lovers sins in a hymn
It seems that we laugh or we cry
We live, we love, or we die
The three of us, holding poetic swords up high
Throughout the ages we all do fly
No subject goes unspoken
For the freedom of words we've awoken
No battle to long or too fierce
Our duels are true and unrehearsed.
Through blood, sweat and tears
A bond so strong that sweetens the years
All for one and one for all
Let us carry on and have a ball!
by Maureen Mcgreavy |
Categories:
butterfly, funny love,
Butterflies have the quietest wings
Defying the weight of their flutterings
Your red face has shown
What you did not want known
Your fight to keep them from escaping
10.02.2019
Writing Challenge, October - Butterfly -
Sponsor, Dear heart - Wiishkobi Ode
by Rico Leffanta |
Categories:
betrayal, culture, love, lust, romance, sensual, sexy,
Queen Guinevere was quite a sight
When Arthur returned from a fight
He looked up and down
Then said with a frown,
"You look like you've had a rough knight!"
Arthur opened the bedroom door
Where clothes lay all over the floor
"This looks rather bad,"
Said Sir Gal He Had,
"I've mistaken your wife for an whore."
There's more to the story than that
The Kingdom of Arthur fell flat
But Queen Guinevere
Did not shed one tear
For she loved to give tit for tat!
by Geoffrey Brewer |
Categories:
lost love, sea,
SAD SEA TALE
There was once an old man of the ocean
For a mermaid he had a devotion
But instead of two pins
She’d a tail and some fins
Which precluded their harmonic motion
But in spite of her disparate corpus
They maintained their romance polymorphous
‘Til a herring one day
Brought a message to say
That she’d gone off to live with a porpoise
[Gift for a lady]
by James Horn |
Categories:
allegory, analogy,
Nearly Dearly and Still Sincerely
Was almost sudden true love nearly,
Yet still to death did love her dearly,
Then in a grove,
Found treasure trove,
Simply, apparently and so sincerely.
Jim Horn
by Gershon Wolf |
Categories:
fun, tribute, writing,
There is a very cunning ham named Tom
Pens side-splitting limericks with aplomb
When Soupers are down
Tom removes their frowns
And their funny bones explode like a bomb
We love you, Tom!
by Rico Leffanta |
Categories:
lust,
In the Catholic Schools of the West
All students are put to a test
Their head must go South
With an open mouth
To measure who comes off the best
A priest is never too fickle
An Adam's Apple to tickle
No need to repent
Its all Heaven-sent
The meek love sucking a pickle
Virile men should become a priest
So many are needed back East
Beneath every frock
Likes a ticking clock
Hungry mouths in need of a feast
The Bible predicts that a beast
Will plunder the Great and the Least
So you can do more
To even the score
When you serve this world as a priest!
by Sotto Poet |
Categories:
appreciation, valentines day,
In crimson its beauty would show
A symbol of love, pure and true
With thorns it would swarm
Love's not always warm
But worth every prick that we go through
by Sara Etgen-Baker |
Categories:
cute love, valentines day,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cupid's arrow, sharp and sly,
Hit us both, oh my, oh my!
Love's a comedy, we've found,
In laughter, our hearts are bound,
Together, under love's blue sky.
by Paula Goldsmith |
Categories:
candy, drink, love, sky, stars, uplifting, words,
Valentine's Day is a day for love
do you want to be my turtle dove
are you as sweet as candy
here is a glass of brandy
let's go out and watch the stars above
by Skat A |
Categories:
adventure, brother, fantasy, funny, funny love, giggle, girlfriend,
Monkey See~
There once was a monkey named Frank
Who loved to walk the plank
He said too many jokes
Pulled too many hoaxe-s
Ha! Ha! Ha! Then he got a good spank
*
Who's that monkey in front of me
I dare to hang with you on a tree
Oh! What I do? Will you do?
Together we are like glue
Is that my flea or your flea?
~ Skat ~
Contest~
by Poet Destroyer A |
Categories:
adventure, caregiving, celebration, confusion, desire, feelings, funny, humor, identity, life, october,
LIBRA TALE
Sweet and Sour hectic sign
Love me, trust me, the stars align
Balance of truth and dare
Good and Evil, full of care
Blind when it comes to blood line
:) PD
by Anne-Lise Andresen |
Categories:
giggle, holiday, love,
Carl is still in Rio
He is hooked on the casino
Sweet love in moonlight
Cherry musk all night
His libido is like a volcano
01.03.2018
Sun :) - A-L Andresen :)
6-8-5 -5 -10 syllables
www.howmanysyllables.com
by Poet Destroyer A |
Categories:
husband, nature, wife
~~ Divorce Club~~
Haiku * divorce trip *
---------
broken promises
eclipse of the sun and moon
dreams that fall like leafs.
Limerick * never settle*
------------
Like a gun to my head of course
I married the end of a horse
love was never real,
kids no big deal.
Wow! I gain more money after divorce!
Couplet * forever vows *
------------
I meant them words "for better or worse" during our holy matrimony
The better now has hit me, once the Court ordered alimony:-)
by;p.d.
**OKAY I'M NOT GOOD AT EXAMPLES**
by Niketa Mckenzie |
Categories:
funny, lost love, love,
Their once was a girl in love
She knew he was sent from above
They danced, they sing they did everthing
But then he deflated in the tub
by Constance La France |
Categories:
funny,
A kitty who was not born all that strong,
and with a love for LASAGNA life long;
drippy, rich, creamy, chewy,
Garfield's serendipity.
HAPPINESS is enjoying, right or wrong.
_________________________
May 20, 2015
Poetry/Limerick/Happiness
Copyright Protected, ID 05- 675-670-20
All Rights Reserved, 2015, Constance La France
by Jan Allison |
Categories:
humorous,
There once was a young man called Rodger
Who’s very transfixed with his todger
From morning till night
He gets his delight
Now he shares his bed with his lodger
The lodger her name was Sandy
Was always ready and randy
They’d make love all night
But then they took fright
When Rodgers legs went all bandy
Submitted to New or Old 5 Contest Sponsored by Eve Roper
29 ~12~14
by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories:
love
He held my hand, not one word was spoken
Then a ring he offered as a token
He could not ask for marriage
For fear I might disparage
His eyes conveyed sentiments unspoken
* Entry for Adeleke's "Unspeakable Love" contest
by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories:
childhood, funny
Ah, my brother is finally sleeping
Through my head mischievous thoughts are creeping
It’s my time to shine now
To him I won’t kowtow
All of the attention I’ll be keeping
I’ll make the best use of this special time
Beg for more after each nursery rhyme
I’ll play with his best toys
Till he makes the first noise
Because then I’ll just be admired part time
By Carolyn Devonshire
For Miranda Lambert’s Brotherly Love contest
April 23, 2011
by Cecilia Macfarlane |
Categories:
lust,
Busy lives hinder love making sessions
This leads to sadly many depressions
Ten minutes of good fun
Connect now with your one
A quickie is much needed and freshens
Cecilia Macfarlane
06/20/2014
~ For Skat's ' A Quickie' contest ~
by James Fraser |
Categories:
fun, funny love, giggle, humor, people, silly, tree,
Two poets who couldn't agree
Raise their voices to their loud pleas
One wasn't able to stop
His zip open, out pops!
Haha, it's a pea, not the size of a tree
©J. A. Fraser and O. E. Guillermo 15.18pm, April 07, 2015