Love Poems About Humorous or Humorous Love Poems

Humorous love poems and/or love poems about Humorous. Read, share, and enjoy these Humorous love poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems.

Poem Details | by SKAT A |
Categories: anger, death, horror, humorous, love, slam,

To all the heart breakers -a ZOMBIE's valentine

Wouldn't you rather~

Wouldn't you rather be dead?
Maybe shoot yourself in the head?
Over my dead heart, I'd never want to be a zombie like you.
The sight of your limbs are rotten all the time.
All synonyms say of you looks like a 3 legged swine.
Go ahead and do us all a favor, 
hide and stash yourself away from all your neighbor
I think I'd rather have my eyes stuck with glue
So I won't have to look at you
When it comes to family friends, you ain't got none.
You're always gonna be called the lonely retarded one.
Who could ever love a face like yours.
not even your mother see's pass your gores 
No need for privacy when you pee
Go ahead and take a leak and drown yourself in the sea.
Don't think for one second you are irresistible 
Love making with a zombie is impossible.

Wouldn't you rather be dead?
maybe shoot yourself in the head

The time to kill yourself is at hand.
Slicing your wrist is what we recommend 
Cut your tongue off, don't want to hear you squeal  
Blood all over, your face is no big deal
A sword or machete will only pick up the pace
I wanna see your guts pop out your mid-waist 
Contaminated objects is a must
Anything to remove your face of disgust.
The easy part is the best
Once you are gone we will all feel blessed,
The flaw of your existence  
Is what keeps us all in distance 

Wouldn't you rather be dead?
maybe shoot yourself in the head

Close your eyes and die
No one wants to hear you cry
You said you wanted to be loved
believe me~ you're better off unloved
I say do yourself off
Anyways you've always had it rough...
Go ahead and scream
This is not a dream
Now see how you make me feel
All I want is for you to end your ugly ordeal.
I will praise this day of course
Knowing soon you'll be a rotting corpse.

happy valentine ~ TO: All My DEADBEAT X-es from Texas.


Poem Details | by Daniel Turner |
Categories: crush, funny love, humorous, teacher,

Teacher's Pet

As I look back, it all seems funny now
Recalling all those awkward teen age years
I pushed the limits farther than allowed
Supposedly when young, we had no fears

Infatuation caught me with the blues
My heart was swollen by love's gentle sting
It was a crush that only left a bruise
Left by the diamond in her wedding ring

The first day I laid eyes on her, I fell
The lightning bolt she was, that shook my world
And to this day I swear I'd know her smell
Could she have read my mind, she'd likely hurled

I hated school but never missed her class
She said she loved me 'cause I made her laugh


  original poem by Daniel Turner


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,

LOVE IS BIND

poor puppet dances to the tune of her master - he’s pulling her strings! Jan Allison 9th April 2015 Contest: - Judy Konos Get Your Senryu On ~awarded 1st place~


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: boyfriend, funny love, humorous, jobs,

MEN YOU DEFINITELY WOULDN'T WANT TO DATE - PART 1

I once dated a pilot … We both had our head in the clouds Our relationship lead to a lot of turbulence - I guess it never really got off the ground! I once dated a glazier… He thought I would be putty in his hands But I could see right through him… He was constantly smashed I once dated an undertaker… He knew he had stiff competition I couldn’t cope - he was always ‘coffin’ when he picked me up in his hearse He had no sense of humour in fact he was dead boring I once dated an angler The thought he was a real catch… But the scales soon fell from my eyes As he was obsessed with his flies I once dated a footballer He thought he could score with me Told me he had great tackle… But it was just a load of balls I once dated a fishmonger… He thought he was cod’s gift to women He invited me back to his plaice… Where I found out he was really a cold fish Submitted to 101 poems in a row Sponsored by PD Linda:-) 15th April 2016


Poem Details | by Edwin Hofert |
Categories: first love, hilarious, humor, humorous, romance,

First Love

First Love

A man remembers his first love.
Until he finds his grave.
If he lives to be a hundred.
That's what he'll always crave.

For some it might be a blonde.
A red head or brunette.
Others are still looking.
They haven't found it yet.

For some it is those buns of steel.
We've all heard about.
Whatever a mans first love is.
He hates to go without.

There may be some who's first love.
Is in the color of her eyes.
I'll always remember my first love.
A greasy cheese burger and fries.

Make it a double patty.
With everything on top.
Ketchup, mustard, or special sauce.
Please don't ever stop.

Fries fried to a golden brown.
Thin and crispy too.
A greasy cheese burger with some fries.
No talking til I'm through.

So now you know my secret.
A greasy cheeseburger and fries.
If you want inside my heart.
Make mine super size.

Edwin C Hofert


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, love,

I LOVE TO HATE YOU

Just one look at you Tempting me, teasing me, tormenting me I hate the feelings you evoke Greed Desire Lust Just want to hold you, devour you I don’t want to see you go But I can never resist the last chocolate in the box! 9th March 2015 Contest – Love or Hate – Pick a subject - Shadow Hamilton I chose Love as my theme ~awarded 1st place~


Poem Details | by arthur vaso |
Categories: fantasy, fun, funny, holiday, humorous, love,

I Want Peace

I want a piece of chocolate cake
Oh and a delicious piece of cherry pie
I want a piece of that place called Fort Knox
With all those pieces I could afford a lot

I want a piece of that lady over there
In her haute couture she saunters with such flair
I want a piece of the clouds in the sky
I just want it, don't ask me why!

I want some tiny peace of mind
To have some pieces left to be kind
Then I can give you a piece of  Art
A piece I promise comes straight from the heart


Poem Details | by Francis J Grasso |
Categories: fun, humorous, love,

Love Me

Leave me alone you beautified 6itch ;
Oh ghastly and ghoulish playpen of a witch.
Vases of roses are covering your deeds;
Eloquent verses describe your sick needs

Many come calling but none ever leave; 
Even my dumb heart now wants a reprieve.


written 04.02.2016


Poem Details | by Lewis Raynes |
Categories: beautiful, beauty, desire, humor, humorous, love, society,

She loves jewellery

She has a collection, an unusual collection, 
Of four thousand and forty two,
Colourful, shapely, dangly rings, 
From green to gold to blue,

That she wears from ears, her nose, her lips, 
The ones that are on show,
And she wears a heap in other places, 
But there I will not go,

Her arms both glitter, her legs glisten, 
Her neck’s a twinkle on display,
She’s a shiny beautiful colourful star, 
When she walks throughout the day,

From hoops, to drops, to barbell hugs, 
She loves wearing tiny rocks,
But no one can actually see her now, 
She’s become a walking jewellery box.


Poem Details | by Cool For Cats |
Categories: cute, fun, happy, humorous, life, love, parody,

Cool For Cats

(Parody of Cool For Cats by Squeeze)

I’m trying to look sexy ‘cos tonight I’ve got a date
I stare into the mirror thinking I’ve left it too late
This face of mine needs makeup if I’m going to snare this man
I hope that I can do it, but I’m doubting that I can
Behind me in the closet is a thing to aid my task
Decision made, I’m going to wear a sexy feline mask
Now I don’t need to worry ‘cos I know I’m cool for cats
(I’m cool for cats)

 
I'm driving like a madman ‘cos tonight I've gotta date
I glance up in the rear view and I see I need to shave
I skid into the driveway and I quickly run inside
Shedding clothes and dodging cats and never breaking stride
Looking through the hamper to find my lucky shirt
Every time I wear it, it always seems to work
That's why I don't worry cause I know I'm cool for cats
(I'm cool for cats)


I changed my mind last minute; thought the mask was way too much
Applying my foundation, lipstick, liner, rouge and such
Arriving at the restaurant I soon recognise his car
I look in through the window, he is sitting at the bar
My stomach full of butterflies, I hope he likes my dress
I’d bought it in the afternoon, hoping I'd impress
I’d teamed it with some kitten heelsI’m very cool for cats
(I'm cool for cats)


A couple shots of courage ‘cos this girl is just too much
She has blond hair, perky boobies and a super juicy butt
And ever since I met her she's all I ever think about
When I saw her open up the door I nearly gave a shout
She smiled and came right over and reached out for my hand
She squeezed it really hard, was she a woman or a man
But when I saw the dress I knew that she was very cool for cats
(She's cool for cats)


Wow this guy's a winner and he is the one for me
He's funny, smart and gorgeousHe's the best date there could be
I think he'll be a keeper, and I think he likes me too
And we will leave together when this dinner date is through
But meanwhile we'll have good fun as we eat and laugh and chat
And get to know each other with a little this and that
The girls around are jealous because he is cool for cats
(He's cool for cats)


Everything about her is cool enough for me
Even though she has a piece of broccoli in her teeth
I laid the charm right on her and told a joke or two
I think I'm going to get lucky, just between me and you
Walking to the car she whispered as she passed
Put the pedal to the metal ‘cos I like to go real fast
Now all the guys are jealous ‘cos my girl’s cool for cats
(She's cool for cats)


Poem Details | by SKAT A |
Categories: adventure, crazy, cute love, fantasy, humorous, silly, sister, slam,

SLY FOX

~SLY FOX~

There you go again little Sly fox P.D.
Another game of tag and jeopardy.
Clever, clever, little fox so bloodthirsty.
Chaos roams through your veins of liberty.
You walk the ground, prancing around your hostility.
Marching down with the dignity of mis-guided anarchy.

I'm gonna hunt you smell end it well.
Hang you up from your trophy tail
Kiss your night one last farewell.
By morning dawn your foxy tail,
Won't live another tale to tell.

I'm gonna find ya' ~ pull your hideout from where you hide.
Smack you around in your everyday rebellious ways.
Thinking you can defeat my crowd with your lawlessness..
I don't need no hounds to track your unlivable Holy-mess.
You created a selfish character of kindness for the blindness.
You prey on the sheep's and linger on their wall of hopelessness
Your sinfulness grew from the boldness, and bitterness, 
Of growing up parent-less.
My dear Sly Fox are you on alert with your ears of nobleness.
Did you not hear me creeping while you were sleeping.

Sly fox the destroyer!

You are right, you are a mischievous game of hunt!
My trap is set and waiting for you by the river front.
Go ahead, take a drink, pull one last obnoxious stunt.
Run and run, as fast as you can!
You can't out run this one game of Skitty Skat fox hunt.....


~SKAT~
 
 


Poem Details | by Brenda Meier-Hans |
Categories: happy, humorous, love, silly,

Welcome to my Bio

Brenda Gail 
I am Compassionate, love and breathe poetry, humorous and a peace maker.
Sister of Patti Lynne, Paul, David and Beth.
I love children (more), I love to sing in a choir and have a song for just about everythingI love to make others happy.
I feel loved, appreciated and very blessed.
I fear not being healthy enough to make it to my son’s wedding, getting sick this winter and losing my mom.
I’d love to be able to travel again, walk around a mall, and would love to be in a poetry slam.
Living in the GTA Greater Toronto Area, Ontario.
Meier-Hans 

Written by Brenda Meier-Hans 
10.13.2014
Regina Riddles Contest: Bio Poems
1st


Poem Details | by Cameron Hartley |
Categories: boyfriend, culture, cute love, humorous, love, racism, spanish,

Notes on Dating a Latino: What You Don't Learn in High School Spanish Class

OneLatino boys like Buffalo Wild WingsIt isn't clear why, but it's definitely emerging as a pattern.

TwoLatino boys are persistentWhen he asks to kiss you for the first time, say noWhy? Because you've known him for a matter of weeks and he is not your boyfriend yetDon't worry..he will continue to ask every week until you say yes.

ThreeLatino boys are really good kissers.

FourLatino boys love their familyHis cousins are best friends, so you probably already know several of themIf any of his cousins also like you, you might think this is problematicYour boyfriend will tell you that it's normal, and it's just because they're jealous, and not to worry about itYou will probably worry about it anywaySometimes it's better to let things go.

FiveLatino boys are romanticHe will tell you how he loves you in two languages and struggle to find an apt metaphor which he can pronounce in the English languageSince his English isn't perfect, he uses his hands to compensate when he speaks,  uses a tilt of his head, a shift in his voice; he says most with his eyes, when he isn't speaking at all.

SixNotice how he lights up when he smiles at you, like the sunrise..remember that the word for smile in Spanish is sonrisa.

SevenWhen he offers to teach you the meringue, say yesWhen you trip over each other's feet, laughWhen his face moves close to yours..kiss him.

EightWhen your racist father starts talking about socioeconomic classes, remind him that unlike your brother's American friends, your friends are sober(Well, more soberDo not bring up tequilaThey're not potheads, at least.) Besides, your Spanish teacher is thrilled with your miraculous improvement in spoken Spanish.

NineWhen you go bowling with him and his cousins and he whispers in your ear that people are staring at us, tell him it's just because they're jealous that I have a boyfriend that will dance with me in public.

Ten"Te amo" is a phrase that sounds prettiest when whispered.


Poem Details | by rob carmack |
Categories: animal, best friend, dog, humorous, love, pets, thanks,

Sonnet Chiweenie Boo

Your dad, a Dachshund once stuck in Chihuahua.
The best of both in you, with that expectant
Confusing carpets for the lawn enigma.
I know….the raining….getting wet….you can’t.

As coldness chills the room, a sheet for you.
The perfect tucking of in, but you moved!
I ponder, just how crazy is my Boo?
The sheet’s thread count too low to be approved?

Your dance in circles, spinning on the floor.
Rewards and treasures known upon the racks.
Induced by meals and that one pantry door  
In such a fury, choking on the snacks.

I know what God’s book says, I’ve searched it whole.
But still, I hope you have a little soul.

11.14.14


Poem Details | by Robert Candler |
Categories: addiction, angst, conflict, confusion, dedication, depression, desire, devotion, funny, games, golf, hope, humorous, journey, sad love, sports,

Flailin'

Flailin’,  flailin’, flailin’;
There goes my ball sailin’
Into a trap, the water or the woods.

Flailin’, flailin’, flailin’;
You can hear me wailin’,
“Why won’t that damn ball go where it should?

Drives go right Putts go wrong.
I shank my wedges or ‘skull’em’ long.
My golf game’s just no damn good.

I’m swingin’ too hard & lookin’ up;
As if I’ll actually see it go in the cup….
As if it ever really would.

My alignment’s too far left or right.
My ball can find the only tree or trap in sight,
Even if the shot starts out lookin’ good.

These days, I carry some special tools:
A handheld weed eater with extra spools
And a pruning saw, in case I’m in the woods 

I’ve even tried to ‘buy’ a better game.
No matter My scores were just as lame.
Those new clubs didn’t do what they should.

Bogies & doubles...even triples..are common scores.
I very rarely get pars any more.
Believe me, I’d change it if I could.

My buddies said it must be me,
A teaching pro I should go see.
They said he’d fix my game…..if anybody could.

The pro said, “Hit some balls while I watch you.
Just set up and hit’em like you normally do.
We’ll see if I can do your game any good.”

After the first bucket of balls I hit,
He calmly said, “Take two weeks off…then quit.
Take my advice You really should.”

Now, what really has me vexed,
I’m wondering what I’ll try next.
That pro’s advice was no damn good.

So, I struggle along with my flailin’ game;
But, strangely enough, have fun just the same,
Finding hope in rare shots that are actually good.


Poem Details | by Kelly Zakerski |
Categories: age, childhood, children, daughter, family, children, kids, funny, health, humor, humorous, life, love, mother, people, time, work,

THE AGING PROCESS

Many years ago, when we were all young,
We really thought life, would be so much fun.
While playing dress-up, trying on mom’s stuff,
Putting on make-up, we found to be tough.

Then came our schooling, and boy things would change,
“Those aren’t our parents”, when they acted strange.
Sometimes they were hip, but old-fashioned too,
That’s something I swore, I would never do.

Wishing you were older, adults had it made,
They would do nothing, yet still would be paid.
That is how little, we all had known,
We surely found out, once we were grown.

Loving the twenties, we’d go out with friends,
When we went shopping, we followed the trends.
Doing what we wanted, and staying out late,
It didn’t matter, what time we all ate.

Then came the thirties, and most of us wed,
Watch what you wish for, my parents had said.
We had to work hard, many bills to pay,
I guess they were right, what more can I say?

Raising your children, was hardest of all,
Needing some advice, your parent’s you’d call.
It seemed so easy, they needed no rest,
So now it’s your turn, you learned from the best.

The forties arrived, that was a shocker,
We’d spend lots of time, just at the doctor.
Back aches and headaches, so tired you’d be,
Trying not to cough, or else you would pee.

The fifties would come, and your grandkids too,
Where were your glasses? You hadn’t a clue.
You searched here and there, and under the bed,
“Hey grandma” they laughed, “They’re right on your head”.

Here come the sixties, now let’s have some fun,
You are retired; your work is all done.
To dinner with friends, you dressed and you wait,
They never show up, you have the wrong date.

Now the seventies, with friends playing games,
If only you could, remember their names.
You try hard to hide, those under-eye bags,
Gravity happens, and everything sags.

Enjoy every day, and have a good laugh,
All the steps you took, led down a new path.
Live life as it comes, each year a new page,
One thing is for sure, everyone will age.


Poem Details | by Carol Eastman |
Categories: caregiving, childhood, fantasy, funny love, humorous, imagination, wisdom,

Dragons Wish

One night while stargazing, Dragon and I, got to see a falling star… descend.
I thought that would be great, so I told him he could make a wish on them…
But Dragon’s are really quite unique, and don’t always think, like you and me
No, NOT at all! And you should believe, things began to unravel, immediately:

About to make that wish… He realized the moon descends every night.
And the sun descends, like the moon… every single day, at every Twilight.
Becoming horrified that so many wishes had gone by him, totally unused!
He decided to wish upon the star, that all past wishes, can now come, to be used.

There is logic here, I think, as Dragon hordes things; he’d do it with wishes, too.
When I tried to explain, that’s not how wishes work, they have to be rare and few.
With falling stars, it has to come from one, that came to ground, willing to share.
Now Dragon is a stubborn thing and decided, I wanted them all for myself, to snare.

He stomped his foot, as the 2 year old he is, crying he didn’t want to share not one.
So I patiently explained that there are bigger stars everywhere, bigger than our sun!
He was sure I’d done him wrong and had lied, after all, his eyes are very keen.
The bigger, the better, and our sun was the biggest thing, that he had ever seen!

It’s brightness has gobs of power, in fact, I’d said it powers all the Earth, he recalled.
So its wish couldn’t be small… he said it’s not nice, to not share, with him at all.
Now a tantrum was about to ensue, from our 2 year old who’d skipped his nap.
And don’t forget he’s a Dragon, too! It wasn’t a good idea to fall into this trap!

Some things are better to not go throughWhy fight the battle, if you can stop the war?
In the end I took that wish… and wished I’d never took him on that wishful tour.
You know what? I did find that peace finally came back and did preside, in a wink.
As I got his blankie for his bed, and tucked him in so nice and neat, I paused to think.

Next year would be a better time, to view the meteor showers, after we both have…
A well-deserved napDon’t you think? When he’s a tad more grown up, I did add…
Besides my wishes, in the past, have served me well, as they brought him here to me.
And I ’d need one more wish this year, to help him when flying… to not hit the trees!


Poem Details | by arthur vaso |
Categories: humorous, life, love, romance,

James Bond the Poet

Double oh Sevens
The gamble of dangerous men
Poets who carry guns
To shoot out the hearts
Of unsuspecting ladies
A single word, a bullet
That can wound or kill the love
Of any careless romance
Yet they fall at the feet
Of mystery and sweet words
And later in the evening
Tears flow from ladies of sadness
Left alone among the sheets of love
The Spy, he could save the world
Yet save not one single love
He grew old and alone
His last thought among the living
I die a lover, and never felt love


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: beach, cute love, humorous,

SAD SAMMY STARFISH

Sad Sammy starfish, all alone on the beach Wishes for a soulmate, but no one is in reach He looks around, raises his hands into the air Is there a lonely starfish somewhere out there He looks around and espies upon a rock A stunning pink starfish wearing a frock She is oh so beautiful he can only stare Has he found that special someone there He sidles over to her and soon catches her eye Will she be his playmate; he looks up to the sky Sammy wants hold her hand and ask her for a date But which hand would he hold for this starfish has eight! They head off for a walk together along the golden sand You can see them strolling hand in hand in hand in hand Submitted to Story Poem Contest by Carol Eastman 26th April 2015


Poem Details | by Daniel Turner |
Categories: emotions, friendship, funny love, humorous,

For Linda Poet Destroyer

Oh hearken to me Destroyer of Poets
With heart in hand I declare my feelings
Without pretentiousness humbly kneeling
Thou art the greatest and now I show it
In verse for all so they shall to know it
My desire for you I've been concealing
Conversations with you left me reeling
I'm amazed how you remain so stoic
So beautiful, so gracious, and funny
Promptly greeting then eating newcomers
Wittiness and charm forever ascends
You cast the longest shadow when sunny
And call out those duplicitous bummers
I'm glad we've decided to be good friends



     Italian Sonnet  rhyme scheme abba  abba  cde  cde
   an original poem by the "poemdog"  Daniel Turner
              For my friend Linda  "Poet Destroyer"


Poem Details | by Denise Hopkins |
Categories: allusion, anger, baby, beautiful, betrayal, birth, creation, culture, death, desire, divorce, dream, february, flower, future, grief, heartbreak, humanity, humorous, husband, lost love, love, love hurts, meaningful, poetry, rose, sin, trust, wife, wisdom,

A bloody Rose

Roses here, Roses there, bloody roses everywhere. February brings them to our life, while others hide a broken wife. Young girls dream of their shining white knight, when do you think they'll see, it's nowhere in sight. Single men try everything to be romantic, ask every young girl, they still haven't learnt it. While romance fills their heads, I'm aware of the last lives it brought to death. The rose is not this passionate flower, butt the very thing that causes humans lives to go sour. Nine months later, in mid of November, young girls begin the day they will always remember. With the babies cry with its first breath of life, There's a dad trying to work out how to tell his wife. A family is born, and a family is broken, this is all because, of that bloody rose. written 14th of February 2017


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: dog, humorous,

AND THEY CALL IT PUPPY LOVE - FOR CONTEST

How could I not forgive you? Just one look at your puppy dog eyes Thaws the heart of this ice maiden Contest - Micropoetry ain't that tweet – Sponsor Casarah Nance (105 characters with spaces) 07~31~15


Poem Details | by Steven Clark |
Categories: crazy, kids, fun, funny, funny love, humor, humorous,

Driving My Kids Crazy

Driving my kids crazy
Every day and night
Because my mind is hazy
Nothing comes out right

Still, I keep on teaching
The foggy lessons in my head
At the end of all my preaching
There's but one thing said

"I know what you are saying...
You said that yesterday."
In their heads their praying
I will go away

Still, they do consult me
When they are truly stuck
But, if I get to wordy
They'll be out of luck

The message will start hazing
From their doe-eyed sight
This act starts with a glazing
Of eyes and face and light

I see their minds have left me
They are waiting out their time
And if, they ignore me
It is a small crime

I know my kids all love me
And I feel just the same
Still I hope they'd all agree
In this there's no blame

And so I may keep yapping
Each and every day
But If disaster's tapping
I'll be on the way

I just want to guide my kids
Not drive them away
As I watch them roll those lids
I see the end of day

Okay, I'll be quiet now
No more torture, pain, or strife
And if, you'll just show me how
I'll go e-mail my wife


Poem Details | by Timothy Hicks |
Categories: anxiety, bereavement, forgiveness, funny love, humorous, love, romance,

Here's an Idea

They just don't know how to apologize, do they?
Giving something that's prone to finger bleeds
and even chunkier thighs.
I'll give you the Golden Rule:
with situations like this
it is sure to apply.
An idea I propose (if I may be so bold):
give me a week without seeing your face
and a day without hearing your voice.
Heartbroken women everywhere agree
that it truly is the safest choice!
I don't need a second bouquet
or another box of sweets so chocolatey.
Seeing you suffer for what you did
is without a doubt the greatest therapy!



But of course      Don't despair
Eventually you'll be forgiven
Give it space      Give it time
When you return it will be sublime
a peck on the cheek
"Honey, can you fix the bathroom sink,
it hasn't been greased

..in at least a week."




NOTE: For all you women out there that have to put up with us silly men.


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous,

THE HIGH COST OF LOVE

Call me cynical Has anyone else noticed ……. All of a sudden The price of flowers and chocolates Rockets skywards high towards heaven Oh silly me its nearly Valentines Day! 12th February 2015


Poem Details | by Teddy Kimathi |
Categories: funny, funny love, green, humor, humorous, imagery, relationship,

Theory of Greenness

"What do we have for breakfast?"
"Lettuce and cabbage juice!" she
replies excitedly.
She had forced him to change
his blue pajamas to green
pajamas, then he returns
to bed -
the bed had to have green sheets,
green bed cover, and a green
pillow.
"Why do you do this to me?!" he asks.
"I was born in StPatrick's Day!!!"
she replies.
He can't wait for a green light
to escape a world where
everything he hates is green.
He's afraid he's lost her love in the greenness....


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: funny love, humorous, relationship, , cute,

CUTIE PATOOTIE BAWDY LIMERICK

Pat swung from a chandelier Fell off and hurt her cute rear She gave it a rub And soaked in the tub Next time she’ll stay off the beer! Pat copied the birds and the bees And had carpet burns on her knees She saw her GP He said ‘Oh dear me’ - Next time settle for a quick squeeze But Pat said I’m always so randy And so is my boyfriend called Sandy If he can’t have a lay At least three times a day He’ll leave me for that old moo Mandy 'for Pat' with my love xx 05~03~17


Poem Details | by Paloma P |
Categories: allegory, analogy, drink, funny love, humorous, hyperbole, romance,

Essential Spirits

She was like Bordeaux,
a tall drink of spirit
He was more a hopped
pale lager like Pilsner, 
both gorgeous and
super gingered flavors,
although clashing mid
respective savored aplomb,
one so refined the other
rowdy after hours,
yet they complimented
each other in the way
they blended their
drunken demeanors, 
intoxicated by mere
existence of nature's
essential complexities


Poem Details | by JADAZZLE UNITED |
Categories: humorous,

Hot Love In The Kitchen

Inspired By T Rex 'Hot Love'

Well she's his woman of gold 
She won't do as she's told 
A ha ha 
She's his woman of gold 
She shouldn't be so bold
When her hands are that cold 
A ha ha 
 
She casts her spell like a witch
She's not wearing a stitch 
A ha ha
She casts her spell like a witch 
She's not wearing a stitch 
A ha ha 
She really knows how to love
in her marigold gloves 
A ha ha
 
Well I’m faster than most and I cook a mean roast
A ha ha 
Well I’m faster than most but I still burn the toast
A ha ha
In my sexy purple nightie I look rather flighty
A ha ha

Well she aint no witch 
but she sure makes me twitch 
a ha ha 
Well she aint no witch
but she makes my life rich 
A ha ha
I'm her two cent prince
and I give her hot love 
A ha ha 
ow ow hmmm

La la la la la la la
Oooh ooh the things she can make me do
Oooh ooh She can lay me down 
A ha ha 
La la la la la la la 
ooooh oooh oooh 
La la la


 17th May 2014
By Jan Allison & Darren Watson


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: halloween, humorous,

OH HOW I LOVE HALLOWEEN - FOR GHOST CONTEST

I hear the doorbell ring and I rush to answer it The heavy wooden door creaks and squeaks and groans My face is a ghostly white, you can only just see my eyes and mouth The children scream loudly and drop their bags of sweets in fright Terrified they flee down the path not pausing to look back I grab their sweets and quickly slam the door I dash to the bathroom Twenty minutes is up and its time to wash off my face pack Hee hee hee it works every year 5th October 2014