To Realize
I wake up again,
Euphoria spreading my sheets, eyelashes fluttering
And then, in reality, I realize...
Ah, it was all a dream...
Floral piano keys...
Instrument perfectly tuned...
Harmony...light...hope...
Recalling fragments of dream memory...
The tears are heavy now, watering out the potency of my ecstasy..
For a while now,
He drifts back and forth across my mind
Into my visions, he is always alive,
And I am eternally grateful in that realm...
I had convinced myself...that on the day of his beating,
Of his grotesque demise,
I had stood over him and tore open his grave,
And I had cried out in all of my power,
Lifting his lifeless body into my arms
Reconstructing him with all of my soul
Rivers of life returning in his eyes
Heart to heart, igniting in Guardian Love
I revive him, and tell stories to gods of my epic feat
They laugh, clap and cheer, heightened by my determination
Inspired by my stubborn will to die and let live
And as I finger the keys, singing with lungs full of joy,
He would climb onto the piano and play with me
His yellow-green eyes blinking in their dreamy, milky love
His tail swiping away all traces of darkness
I scoop him up, embracing him,
Together, our happiness engorging our souls
His vibrations, his warmth... are all that matter in this realm
As a coping strategy, to escape the endearing tragedy
My subconscious mind has developed the irrational belief...
That I had all control that night, holding him in that shoebox,
That I was not ready yet to let him go,
I was not ready to kiss him goodbye...
Yes, I and I alone
Had the power to save him from the shrouds of death
To defy reality's quick acceptation to his misfortune
It is fascinating, though sad, as I lay here, that it is so
This reassuring dream just returns,
And will not, refuses to let him go...
I am relieved though, even glad, as I wake with heavy tears
It was merely a dream, though it is also so much more..
I am glad, because, though my pulsing mind may be irrational,
Though it weaves fantasy onto future pains,
I know it holds potential optimism...hope
If he were alive now, I would always be there watching over him
I would hold him, love him, cherish him more than I ever did
But I cannot.
We rarely can...
I guess I am just afraid of the time when Dream Me realizes this truth....
And then the nightmares I dread... will begin
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