The Ride
I wrapped my trembling arms around you. Gripping my own hands trying to steady them, hoping that you wouldn’t notice. My heart pounded against your back as we pulled into the street. As we rounded the corner, you sped up, just a little, raising my anxiety. Then as we rode down the street, it hit me…. This may very well be my last chance to hold you… ever… So let go of the fear. I surrendered to my emotions and let them hit me like a raging wave in a hurricane. I shifted my hands so that they were holding onto you instead of each other. I laid my head on your shoulder, and relaxed my chest against your back. Forming to you. Inhaling your familiar scent, letting all the memories of us play behind my eyelids like a movie in fast-forward. Cherishing every single second that I had, in that very short ride. Repeating over and over in my head how much I loved you. And how I wasn’t ready to let you go. Silently pleading for you to someday come back to me. I poured every bit of love that I possibly could into you in those few minutes, hoping that you could somehow feel it. Somehow know. Praying that maybe, just maybe, you would think back on that ride someday and miss me as much as I am going to miss you. Make you think twice if it is really over between us. Then we were back. We slowed to a stop, and I held on just an extra couple of seconds before I reluctantly let you go. As I placed my feet back on the ground, I felt like my entire world shifted. I fought back the tears that were threatening to pour at any second, and chose to smile instead. Masking the pain and the yearning that I felt in every bone in my body. You looked over at me with an unsure expression, and all I could say was, “Thank you for the ride.” I walked away, crumbling and falling to pieces. Knowing that I needed to let you go. But also knowing that wasn’t even remotely possible.
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