The Reverberating Sins of My Father
Can’t remember what you look like or even the way you smell
I’ve gazed upon many who fit the description but are any of them you, who’s to
tell?
I’ve told myself I’m over it time and again
But the feelings of abandonment nag at my soul and my aggravated spirit
cries, “Daddy, where you been?”
I’ve ran through bedrooms and barrooms hoping to receive compensation for
your debt to me
No covering over my shame and proudly wearing my badge of illegitimacy
It’s crazy
I named my son Jeddidiah
Simply because David was his father
And mine too
Then from David to Dawud
Man, I don’t even know you
But I do know that I love you
How very strange to me
That my estranged daddy
Has the ability
To evoke from me, a stranger
The most powerful of things so effortlessly, albeit I’m
angered
I was a pretty little girl, so sweet and just as good
How or why did you leave me as unprotected prey for wolves?
I don’t understand, didn’t – don’t you love your offspring?
I mean, don’t you care about the precious things,
About my happenings,
About anything that has to do with me?
Do you even remember my name?
Remember it was me that you potty trained
Now think back to that day you left us in the rain
In front of my aunt’s house over on Paine
Nobody was home that day so we just sat on the stoop getting drenched by the
shame
My mother barely seventeen, us loving you in vain
There have been stepfathers who abused
And many years later, men that have used and thrown me away like refuse
And I prayed and begged to be rescued by you
But it’s all been of no use
I suppose I could go on for a lifetime
And still never find
The ultimate locution to express my hurt over this matter
And even though I was constructed from half your matter
You’ll probably never read this anyway, so what I write really doesn’t matter
But just in case mere happenstance causes you to peruse the configurations of
my pen
I need you to know that over the years I’ve needed you and to my chagrin
It has truly been
A reverberating sin
That your oldest daughter has never known where in the hell you’ve been
Daddy, where you been?
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