The Me Inside
I’ve been searching for the ‘Me Inside’
I’ve traveled down to the depths of my soul
Journeyed towards the abyss of ‘Lost Dreams & Memories’
I’ve ventured to the ‘Repressed Emotions’
(Buried deep inside my mind)
I’ve run away from ‘Painful Flashbacks’
(And cried a ‘River of Tears’ over my past failures)
I’ve caught myself dwelling on ‘Old Memories’
(‘Lost Loves’ and ‘Poor Judgments’ I’ve made, needing to set them free)
On the outside I’m all ‘Pretty & Nice’
(So polite and well mannered, refusing to look a fright)
But the “me” on the outside is falling apart
The harder I search, the more I remember,
And the worse I become - You see…
The “Me” on the inside was hidden away a long time ago.
I’d been through so much pain and disappointment…
That I suppressed all of my fears, doubts, and insecurities
Bottled up all of my mistakes, my losses, & my shame,
Under layers of guilt – all covered in sadness & regret.
The more I search to be whole,
The harder it is to forgive and forget.
To learn to love myself, inside and out.
For the Outside is but a shell, a clever disguise,
Masking the person inside, who is unsure she can find
The strength and forgiveness to remove her costume.
The Outer Me is opinionated, assertive, and strong willed
Yet, she is never with the Inner Me
Late at night when my past invades my dreams,
Demanding I take responsibility for the self-destructive abuse
I put All of Me through!
I desperately want to be a complete person
Not scattered fragments of who I should have been.
I’m afraid to face the demons I’ve created in my mind.
I’m afraid of being unable to make
Peace with my twisted past,
Inevitably – smothering my future and my happiness.
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