Insomniac's Bedtime Prayer
I wait for 5 am in the flickering dusk,
Before the daylight is even relieved.
The last time I slept with someone beside,
I lay waiting for her to leave.
For me, things are no longer as they seem;
The minute I made it, I abandoned the dream.
I reach
For what makes me something you wouldn’t believe.
I told her she could leave her keys
In the door when she left.
I told her promises weren’t meant to be kept.
That the sacred should be ravaged and laughed at in death.
I told her she could wring out all of the nights when she slept,
In my arms as I wept—
I drove into my skin until everything was bled.
In a superfluous world, I have found nothing yet.
I am damaged beyond what anyone can see;
She said that she could only blame me.
I told her my life wasn’t meant to be complete,
That there is a wound from which all meaning had seeped.
I would pray that my soul was mine to keep,
Had I not died already,
Waiting for sleep.
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