I Tried To Buy You Flowers
I tried to buy you lilies
but I couldn't see it through,
so I ran off to Ann Summers
for a naughty toy or two.
I tried to buy you orchids
but I felt a little shy,
so left to buy some Vaseline,
and products from KY.
I tried to buy you daisies
but I came out in a rash,
so ran off to the sex shop
for a little 'po*no' stash.
I tried to buy you roses
but I blushed and went bright red,
so I rushed off to the chemist
for some Durex packs instead.
I tried to buy you flowers
but I never had much luck.
At least I've got the other things,
if we want to have a ...
flipping good night in.
From my book 'A Floristry of Palpitations'
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