I Have Fallen To Pieces Now
When you walked out I snickered.
Thinking you’d be back by lunch time.
I fixed your favorite lunch – meatloaf and mashed potatoes.
By one o’clock I had learned my lesson.
I decided to change.
So you could love me more when you returned.
I called, but your phone went to voice mail.
So I called again.
Same thing.
I saved lunch for supper, knowing you would be home by six.
This was on a Saturday.
I threw the meatloaf out on Monday.
Without tasting it.
It would not have been fun, without you there.
I had already eaten the potatoes.
I figured we would laugh about it when you got home.
On Tuesday or Wednesday or Thursday.
By Friday I knew you were dead.
I called your mother.
She was abrupt with me.
So was your sister.
I sensed that they knew you were not dead.
They were still in your inner circle.
I was not.
This was a year ago.
I have had eleven months and eleven days to think
about changes I could make
about being a better woman
about making you want to stay
Eleven months and eleven days of waiting
Am I falling into a pit of despair?
Are you kidding?
I am already there,
not clawing my way out
Not caring any more
Because you are gone
and I disappeared
a while back
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