Dear Diary
I dont like sex
Yet I have it with you so often
This is when you caress my body the most
Hold me with such softness
Like a delicate china that could fall apart with the slightest move
You stare me into my eyes
And tell me lies
Lies that I eat up
Make me feel like the most beautiful girl god ever created
Makes me feel so loved
These are the moments where you cold demander melts away
Where I get the attention I desire from you
Without begging on my knees
This is when I feel the lightest
I close my eyes and let you soft deep whispers become my lullaby
I run away to the endless field of tulips
Where its just us
In love with the sun wrapping us in her motherly rays
But then the last few grunts make their way through my ears
Its over
You give me one final kiss
I force my eyes open and force the tears to stay at bay
I look up at you in despair
So desperate can you tell?
“Promise you love me?” “Promise you feel it again?”
You look down at me
Your eyes full of
Absolutely nothing
“Yeah baby of course”
Your mind is everywhere but here
I eat your lies up
And let this be my sole comfort for the night
For when I drive home and lay to sleep
For when I keep the thoughts
Of you being with her
At bay
For when I get asked about you
I can put on a false smile
And pretend to be okay
For when I ask myself
“Is this love?”
I can answer yes
And breathe
For another day
I dont like sex
Yet I do it with you so often
For I know these are the moments
When you love me
So desperate
I eat up your lies
-dear diary
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