Love Poem: You Would Laugh But, I Hope You Read This
Caitlin Smith Avatar
Written by: Caitlin Smith

You Would Laugh But, I Hope You Read This

I can’t count the wrongs I’ve committed
The people I’ve hurt
The friends I’ve lost, but, the hardest part was losing 
You 
The only one I could see myself with
Even now 
Especially since you’re gone

Oscar Wilde once said “You will understand”
..I will never understand how proud I was
Proud enough to almost die and lose you
Proud enough to realize I had not beat Depression
Proud enough to let myself be
My own worst enemy. 

I messed up so much
I’m a changed woman now and you are truly 
All
That 
Is 
Missing
From my life

Love is supposed to make you better
Not kill you
Love didn’t make me better
Because of love, 
I almost died
 
I dare you to love me again, 
I dare you to accept me for who I am now,
Despite your flaws, I still loved you,
Maybe I was somewhat obsessed. 
You don’t know how much I’ve changed,
How sorry I am for stressing you out, 
Hurting you and myself,
I’m a different woman. 

My skin is stained with your scent,
Stained with the way your luscious, soft lips felt,
I tried to let someone else touch me the way you did,
I couldn’t be that happy again. 
Believe me when I say I tried too hard to be perfect,
I tried too painfully hard to make you want me,
Why didn’t you just tell me you loved me as I was? 

Now, although healed,
Through therapy and medicine,
You infiltrate every thought, action, and word that leaves my lips. 
No matter how hard,
Or how much I want to,
You made me happier than anyone and anything ever could. 

I don’t think you have ever sobbed after reading a beautiful piece of poetry,
I wanted you to be sentimental,
I was ridiculous, 
I drove you away. 

You went from someone who surprised me to the 
Night that terrorizes me and reminds me
The ghost that haunts me
Every single inch of me
That you have seen and used to enjoy
Every inch that I wish you would enjoy again
That I crave for you to enjoy again. 

If you knew I wrote this,
I know that you would laugh at me
You would think I was the biggest idiot
But, you ignore me now
It’s how you cope
So, do I really have anything to lose?

If you would let me, 
I would show you the real me
In nine months, 
You never got to see 
Me.
I haven’t seen the real me in six years.
This is the first time.
Please,
Let me love you,
And try to love me. 

If years go by and one day you ask me if this is about you,
That is one thing I will deny,
So you don't judge me.
I will say it was about the one after you,
Not you. 
Never you.