Yesterday's Pain Still Fresh
Forever, our love lingers in the air all around -
The smell of fresh paint lingers in my nose, in the air.
Crisp sheets lay smooth untouched with hospital corners.
I dreamt I held you in our bed.
A king-sized bed is too big for one.
Wedding gifts are strewn across our dining room table.
I dreamt we ate there together as man and wife -
candlelit dinners and meals with laughing children.
Dreams that will never come true.
(I dread the nights, long hours alone pass slowly.)
A family room quietly sits alone without a family.
(I wrestle sleep in fear of dreams darker than my loss.)
A yard waits outside for a garden that will never be planted.
(I forget the day, the month, even the year
you left without warning,)
Nothing is as it seems; only my flowing tears are real tonight.
(but oh, how in the darkness, I remember too well the moment,
down to the second of my silent screams -)
Forever love lingers in the air all around –
(twisted thoughts, face contorted)
A new home, a new marriage, but one of us is only here in spirit.
(in pain like no other pain I had ever felt
while holding what once was you.)
Only one returned from our honeymoon…
In light of day, I turn to stone.
I wish it was me who died that dark night.
(Then, night comes haunting me like a ghost)
The doctors said nothing could be done.
(too weighted with evil to rise.)
A silent death stole you from sleep and me
while I slept next to you.
(Behind closed lids, I am the torero impaled by satan’s horns)
Nothing could be done…a beginning and an end.
(searching for God in the final breath)
Forever love lingers in the air all around –
(Again, screams cannot escape from my choking lungs.)
Now our dream home is for sale. The dream is gone.
(My heart breaks like shattered glass)
I cannot bring myself to sleep in our bed
so I make up the couch tonight….again.
(the shards racing – tearing through my veins.)
My heart calls out for you; my arms reach out for you.
(Red eyed and weary I wait for a hollow sun to harden my heart again.)
Life changes in a moment.
(I would rather be numb than suffer through tortures of night.)
I taste your lips on mine.
I smell you, see you, hear your voice whispering my name.
Forever love lingers in the air all around. –
(I dread the nights, long hours alone pass slowly.)
Your touch lingers tonight...
with the smell of fresh paint.
By Rhonda Johnson-Saunders, 2/16/15
For Craig's Intermingle Contest
2 poems revised and intermingled are Fresh Paint (6/29/2012) and Shackled In the Dark (1/18/15)
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