While You Were Here, I Wonder If You Thought On These Things Too
Dear Dad,
You left Tuesday, and now on Saturday I reflect on the time that you were here.
Maybe time will make the Loss easier to bear, the fond memories Less profound to remember, or the Future something to dream of.
That may be true for tomorrow, and all the days there-after, but how do I face today?
Today I reflect on the Love that I have in my heart for you, mixed with the Hate that I have of some Choices that you made while you were Here.
The Mistakes that you made, leave in-prints in time that will Last a Life-time.
I Struggle with the Realization that I will forever Love You, Not Completely Understand Some of the Choices that You Made, Or Ever Be able to Accept that Your Choices Made Leaving Necessary.
I Accepted it, for the Circumstances at the Time made it the Best Choice.
I Even Fooled Myself into thinking that I would Not Be affected, But Time Passing, Tears Spent, Our Long Conversations Over the Years Since , Have Proven that Not to be True.
I Don’t Even Regret the Lost Years Now, For They Forced me to Grow to be A Man.
Your Advice would have been Nice To have While Lifting the Load of Struggles that Faced Me Each Day, But I Have Accepted Now, That this Time Apart Left Lots of Room for Necessary Character Building.
I Guess My Walk into the Future will be a Whole Lot Different Now that You are Not Here?
My One Question to you is, How Do I Deal With All of these Trees which you have Planted, In Various Fields all Over the Neighborhood?
When You Were Here It Was Easier, because You Gave Guidance, Instructions, and Methods by Which I Could See a Positive Way Forward, But Now, the Clarity that You Spoke of In the Picture Painted, Seems To have Disappeared.
You See The Trees Planted While you were Here, will Each Someday Bear Fruit.
Till We Meet Again, I will Reflect on these Questions in my Mind.
While you Were Here, I often Asked if One Field Would Have Been Best, Or If Separate Fields on Different Roads, and in Different Parts of Town Would be Necessary?
I Never Quite Got a Straight Answer, Or At Least at the Time the Response to Me did Not Justify the Time Apart.
I Guess this Will be Another One of Those Conversations which We Will Have One Day?
Rest In Peace Dad.
I Love You Still.
Sincerely,
Your Son.
Author – (Paul Cumberbatch II, June 6th, 2020)
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