When Love Leaves You Hugging the Toilet
I feel myself going rigid
You don't need to tell me, darling
It's my body after all
I feel myself going quiet
Like I've never known what is was to speak in flowers even though that's not true
I feel myself fading beyond grasp
Because fear fades faster than any firework could
And the boom in my chest hurts even louder
Clock hands aren't meant to move backwards
And I'm wondering what that means for us and the sum of our blurry past
Rivers only move in one direction
I envy the water even when it's angry
I want to become gentle like the run off and not hard like I feel now
I want to find expiation in your words like a forgotten bill in my pocket but I know these things are only wishful thinking
I took a walk in my head all the way past the dying and dead
Past the freshly broken and back to the beginning of things
And what I saw there stole my breath because beauty hurts in the past just like I'm still living there
And we both know that part of me always will
I took a walk and found that disaster never strikes when one is prepared for it
Sing me a song, my lover
About how the leaves stay green in some places despite the cold
Despite the storms
Sing me a song but only if it's a true story and with that music in your mouth let me kiss you and taste a melody instead of ambulance sirens
You tell me I'm not trying, love
But if that were true you wouldn't hear my voice anymore than I hear god
If that were true I would have stopped answering the phone
You say I'm not trying because I'm sitting still
When in fact that's the only proof you should need
My very bones tell me to flee and yet here I am
But if that's not good enough for you, my love
I'll do the kindest thing
I'm gone, baby
I'm gone
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