What I Gave
05/13/14
What I Gave
Why sleep when
dreams of her only
cause me to spiral
deeper?
What once woke me up
smiling now jolts my
body awake in cold
sweats.
No more are the
nights where my mind
drifts away into the
peaceful happiness
of her arms before
easing into sleep.
Now I lay waiting.
Waiting for my mind
to relinquish its
control over my body
in a fit of
exhaustion, praying
for the comfort of a
dreamless sleep.
But no such ease
comes. And behind my
eyelids I see her
shining red hair
flick across her
face exposing her
bright blue
beautiful eyes. My
soul yearns for even
another second of
those eyes as
reality sets in and
they quickly fade
with the growing
roar of my alarm.
I reach out, begging
her to stay, but
those blue eyes only
smile and turn away.
Gone until night
falls and my mind
weakens, letting her
in once again.
Consciousness slips
in once more as my
eyes flick open,
desperately
searching for her.
My body stammers up
in full alert,
somehow believing
that in that instant
that she was there.
My head falls back
onto my pillow, and
I stare at the
ceiling, wishing
today could be
easier. That her
memory could take a
moment of relief
from subjecting me
to hours of torment.
Also to no avail. In
every detail I find
a connection to her,
reiterating the
total loneliness and
emptiness that is
all that remains
inside of me.
But I know that love
remains. Somewhere
beneath the heaping
pile of solitude and
pain, a spark still
burns, begging to be
reignited.
It never will be
though.
What I gave was
everything.
Everything that I
can’t get back, and
everything that I
shouldn’t want.
Despite her
happiness and mine,
the love became a
poison to her and
her beliefs. And
nothing is worth
bringing so much
pain to the love of
your life.
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