surprised at letting someone through the backdoor of my life not wanting it to work in so many different ways wanting the grief to continue to carry on with its destruction wanting the mourning to plow through undisturbed wanting to maintain the momentum of the familiar downward spiral to the utter depths of hell not wanting to be okay not wanting to silence the voices in my head not wanting to be freed from the weight off my back most of all not wanting to pick up and start anew not wanting to fill the void scared to feel okay AP: Honorable Mention 2022 Submitted on April 22, 2022 for contest A BRIAN STRAND PREMIERE CHOICE sponsored by BRIAN STRAND Submitted on April 20, 2022 for contest ANYTHING YOU WANT sponsored by CHANTELLE ANNE COOKE