Things That Go Bump In the Night
As I was going to the loo, in the middle of the night,
I bumped into my husband, he gave me such a fright.
He was just standing there, with everything stuck out,
He looked so menacing, holy hell I gave a shout.
He just smiled at me, then laughed and wiggled his willy,
I just shook my head and said "Get back to bed, stop being silly".
As I walked past him he asked "Why are you so glum?
"Because", I replied "It's 3am, I didn't want to see your bum".
I had to hurry then, as I desperately wanted to pee,
And to be quite honest, I'd seen all there was to see.
As I got back in to bed, he chose that moment to fart,
He then wafted the covers, out of bed, I did dart.
I yelled, "Why do you do that you disgusting man?
He just laughed and replied "I do it, simply because I can".
I tutted in disgust and climbed back into bed,
Even though the stench, was like a cloud around my head.
I thought to myself, I sound like such a bore,
That's when he decided, it was time to snore.
I knew what would put him, right back in his place,
So I picked up my pillow and hit him in the face.
He jumped out of bed, stubbed his toe as he went,
I think I'd crossed the line, but that's where I was sent.
He called me some choice names, cow and witch were a few,
I just lay down smiling and replied, "Now go to sleep I Love You too".
Kay Roberts
November 2015
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