Love Poem: The Sexual Harrassment Lady, Part I
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Written by: David Welch

The Sexual Harrassment Lady, Part I

I groaned when I saw the e-mail at work
for the yearly harassment seminar,
every year the same useless consultant
saying,”Don’t be crude, no matter where you are,
and don’t as a coworker to the bar.”
The company’s effort to not get sued,
where we get told,”Your evil if a dude.”

But I like my job and my benefits,
they pay me not to work, I won’t argue!
I’d day-dream while some stock feminist
made male wimpiness sound like a virtue,
then just go back to doing what I do.
So I learned back, let the meeting begin,
only to be surprised by who walked in.

She was a tall redhead, skin all alabaster,
in a snug suit that showed off lovely curves,
her voice had a honeyed sweetness I liked,
gave life to the dull, bureaucratic words,
couldn’t help but think that it was absurd
that the harassment lady looked this damn fine,
the universe was laughing, having a time.

Of course I didn’t say anything out loud,
I’m not a young, stupid, or mindless fool,
at a bar I would be buying her a drink,
but on the clock I follow all the rules,
though it seemed the fates were being cruel,
because through the talk several times I could see
harassment lady sneaking glances at me!

While talking or respecting you coworkers
she gazed right at me for quite a long spell,
I got more smiles than everyone there,
at one point she winked towards me as well,
I wondered if anyone else could tell.
At the end she said,”Everyone should take care,
the workplace is not like the bar downstairs.”

Taking the hint, I was later waiting
in a booth when the lady strolled near,
the look she was wearing left no more doubt,
so I said,”Won’t you come sit down here,
this place has five different types of craft beer.”
Then with a sly grin she started to imbibe,
I called for a taxi, both too gone to drive.

From what I remember, it was a great night,
though the details you all know I can’t say,
she was so exhausted, she didn’t leave,
woke up besides me on that Saturday,
she sheepishly said,”Umh…my name is May.”
She quickly got up, and tried not to freak,
her face was all flushed, and she wouldn’t speak.

I sat up in my bed, smiled at her,
“What’s your number? We could go out some time?”
She shook her head,”Last night was a mistake,
and I must’ve been out of my mind,
to get that drunk and sleep with your kind.
To go to bed with such a toxic male,
every belief that I have I just failed...”

CONTINUES IN PART II.