The Representative
I used to love a man
Who loved to love me baby
And he had no problem showing me in every way possible
This man I used to love
Showed me a level of passion, romance & affection I’d never known
In some of the simplest ways ever
This man used to talk with me
Not TO me…..but with me
Giving value to my thoughts, ideas & opinions
Not just listening to me
But hearing me & appreciating my words
This man used to be so affectionate
I couldn’t be around him without his hands on me some kind of way
Any kind of way
Every kind of way
And I loved it
This man reminded me that it was safe to love someone
And that I still deserved to be loved
He made me realize that negative experiences & relationships of my past
Were just that
The past
This man made me believe in a future
In the possibility of a ‘happily ever after’
With him
When I’d given up hope
Thinking happily ever afters only existed in the Golden Books of my childhood
This man I used to love
Allowed me to enjoy sex again and made me feel comfortable with dropping my inhibitions
and being exposed
With him I allowed the whore within me to reveal herself
And he embraced her and loved her too
Regardless of how vile and nasty she got
This man I used to love
Used to love me utterly & completely
He made me believe in myself again
He made me believe in possibilities
He made me believe in him
I believed him when he said I could trust him
I believed him when he said he would never hurt me
I believed him when he said I could depend on him
I believed him when he said he’d always be there for me
His back against mine as we take on the world
I believed in him
I never would have thought
And still find it hard to believe
I was putting all of that belief
All of that trust
All of that love
Into a representative
His representative
Not really him
But just a part of him
The part he wanted me to see
To know
To love
He kept hidden the real him
He let me find out on my own
That he’d lie to serve his own purpose
I found out on my own how little my feeling really meant
The hardest part though
Was finding out that the person I loved so much
Didn’t love me the same way
I really do miss that representative
And I’ll hold on to the memory of him
For as long as I live
Because even though I didn’t have him long
For the short time I did
I knew love
|