The Love Song of L Marie Modenbach
We disagree
I want to breathe people
Feel a timeless, immortal pulse
My solitude is anonymous observation
Strolling in unnoticed contemplation through worlds stacked upon worlds
The Flâneuse
My sustenance is colorful variety
Diving into the expressionism of bizarre fringes
Taste testing any corner of life piquing my curiosity
For a day, an evening, an hour ANY truth is livable
I accept witnessing the existence of hardship
I understand reality contains disgusting inequalities, ruthless injustice
I understand light does not exist without darkness
And that the status of this dichotomy can be transmuted into something healthier
With engagement, with patience
It does not mean killing my soul to encounter it
I believe the most complicit act is choosing ignorance
The most perpetuating decision is to refuse to see
Building a sheltered Nowhereland
Pretending a homemade cookie society devoid of suffering
Shoving those struggling off the mental map
Running away improves nothing for anyone
That is where responsibility, guilt truly lies
If I walk by five impoverished on a dirty street, mumbling a craving
My money, my cigarettes sparking desperate desire
And give nothing
Speed my walk and avoid eye contact
Then vote with their faces bright in my mind’s eye
Brainstorm sociopolitical improvements with friends over drinks
Actively acknowledging their lives
Protest when I agree
Donate where change is visible
Participate in what actually changes the world around me
My impact is more beneficial than fleeing
Joining a tiny outpost with every unjust socioeconomic construct intact
Where the trickle down to misery is just hidden
“The Ones Who Walked Away From Omelas”
I WALK
I walk the line
My depression is the death of culture
The death of art
When a society stops speaking, listening, thinking
Opts instead to wipe away evidence of others’ pain and live blind
That group kills the impoverished, downtrodden, maligned most completely
THAT world kills MY soul
I do not relate
I examine faces around me and inwardly cry
They are passively gliding through their time on earth below the surface
Their thought experiences do not encompass the full range of life
The cultural conversation is almost silent
The few participating regurgitate the comments of yesteryear
Until another outdated statement dares surface
It is apparent in almost everything
Endless lots of beige, stucco covered chain stores
Repetitive restaurants serving dead food
A sameness harsh enough to drive a searching soul insane
Your solitude is existing in a void of humans
Seeing as little evidence of humanity as possible
You idealize a cabin in the middle of a vast wilderness
Your global soul is in hiding
You withstand the mind-numbing dullness around you not because you too are lifeless
Or because you have been sheltered and do not know better
Or because you are willingly complicit
It is because you are protecting yourself
Your empathy and sense of justice are monumental
You are afraid to engage them long enough to train them
You fear being overwhelmed if you stop to master your emotions
You fear losing your integrity if you modify how you interact with these inflamed values
I am your wife
I am in love with you
I know my girl
You are strong enough
More than
You will not lose your beautiful self
You will wake up
Channel your admirable spiritual vivacity
Begin to see what you can do
Not despair at what you can’t do
And that will not kill you
It will allow you to truly live
In ways you do not know how to imagine right now
You hold those homeless days of youth as your most vivid
Break free of that trap!
Be brave now too
The bravery of accepting without approving
Becoming a member of greater humanity
Because you want to contribute to a better world
Transcending hurling insults and rejecting
It is a different bravery, the bravery of growing up
It breaks down the dams restraining your life force
Your soul’s energy
I love you
I will hold you if you need comfort
Stand back silently and not leave if you need to vent rage
Give suggestion or listen and carefully consider
I will not leave your side
Join me existing on the real
At the very least, always trying…
I promise you
Our days will be the most brilliant!
You will be more comfortable with yourself, your life, your impact on the world
The universe won’t seem so cursed
You will see you have been saving approval for a perfect world
Knowing deep inside how impossible that is
And release that frustration that ultimately turns you against yourself
Shuts you down
You are precious
No matter what you do, or don’t do, I will love you
Intensely and forever
My love for you has no contingencies
But I think in the end…
we both know…
we do not really disagree
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