The Honest Truth
I want to be honest, fruitfully honest
But now in pain, I waver
I would much rather live in the dark hallows of my mind
Where honesty is blurred in visions of imagination
Blurred in a world where lies are often welcomed
Lies often unfurl laces of truths
I guess I never tried to be honest with myself
When saying, I could have been wrong all along
That day, when I met you,
You were everything I ever dreamed of
I was doubtful, I was gloomy
I looked into your eyes, and everything that I had once felt dissipated
I was truly enlightened by everything you were saying
Your lips, they spoke of things I have already known and already feel
But the way you said those words,
It all seemed so new from your mouth
Perhaps your words were shuffled in such a way that I thought it was new
Or maybe I was just so mesmerized, so entranced by looking in your eyes
That I decided in my mind that I have never heard this before,
That I had never seen this before
That I have never been in love like this before
Sometimes I lie to myself and say I love you
When in reality, perhaps I do not love you at all
Perhaps I hate every moment that I think about you
Because it stings like fire now
It stings like fire…
Sometimes I enjoy the sting; other times I cannot stand it
I want to be away from it
I wanna live my life without the flames of love licking at every piece of my soul
I wanna be able to look into someone else’s eyes and see love there too
That there is a possibility that I can get out of this rut
This rut that not you, but I have created
It’s silly isn't it?
How one can lie to oneself for the sake of love
For the sake of loving
Sometimes I feel like a fool when I speak the truth
Perhaps that is why that I lie to myself sometimes
And say you are the only one..
When in reality, you’re the only one I cannot reach…
That hurts. It really does hurt
But it is the honest truth
There is hope though
There’s always hope and sometimes that is aggravating
Because hope provides some truth to the lies inside
Maybe love was meant to be explored in someone else’s shoes
I never pretend to be someone else
But at times I wish I was someone else
*Note, I actually recorded this composition, and wrote down the spoken words. I have never tried that before-it was rather interesting. Tell me poets, how do you write your compositions? Do you say them out loud first? Do you hear the words in your mind and write them down silently? I would love to know your ways and methods! ~Laura
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