The Celibate Worm
Now I am a worm with a problem
It’s very sad to relate
For I have fallen in love with an earthworm
And long to make her my mate.
But here is the crux of my story
With the sting, so to speak, in the tail
For that just doesn’t appeal to her
At least not to the end that is male.
How can I make love to my darling
When her other end turns up his nose
At every offer of friendship
That stems from my feminine toes?
I’ve done all I can to attract him
From the shimmy to striptease divine,
But all I caught was my death of cold
And forced my back out of line.
Just put yourself into my problem
Then you’ll know how a fellow must feel
Who’s doomed to a celibate lifetime
Just because his tail lacks sex-appeal.
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