Sucka Filled Love
*Edited for general audience*
Why do I still blush
when this man
that’s no good for me,
says something I’m sure
he says to five other females,
maybe more.
Why do I find myself
hoping that he’ll carry on with me,
knowing that after I’m done
being made to feel special,
I’m just a fleeting thought
until we find each other…
…again.
Why do I smile so big
at a message with no feelings,
just overused words strung together,
sent by a man
who probably just got finished
sliding in someone’s DMs.
Why do I find myself hoping
that he’ll make a declaration,
when we’ve told each other
we’re not trying to be serious.
One of us fronting,
rare that it’s both.
Why do I always want
the ones who can’t give me
the things I act like I don’t need.
The ones who flirt with you
and have sex with someone else
because they can’t get it from you.
The ones you do love,
and sex good,
yet when he leaves your presence,
you know he’s into other things
that ain’t you.
The ones that don’t flirt,
don’t love you,
and stress to you
how much they hate
these girls stressing them.
How they wish y'all weren’t friends,
because you're so lowkey
and would be the perfect girl
because you get him.
Why.
Just why.
Do I take the time
to write out
how much thought I put
into this man,
these men,
those guys.
That only take time out
when it’s “been a minute”,
“Hey big head”,
“What’s up stranger”,
“You cut me off”,
“I just wanted to check on you”,
Season.
Why do I roll my eyes
and smile at these messages,
let the calls go to voicemail
then send a text hours later.
Why do I hit him with the
“Whatever"s,
"Stop frontin”,
“Lol. Nothing."s
Why do I let my feelings
drag me into these circles,
knowing that they change.
That the same thing
that makes me smile today,
is the thing that makes me cringe tomorrow.
The man I thought I loved
to see pop up in my phone,
I start to wonder why
I ever got on this ride.
Why.
Just why,
Do I do this to myself?
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