Snapshot
Zooming out, I take it all in- the big picture
Is this what you thought it’d look like from the outside after everything was said and done?
A flawed image of our wasted youth
I pan in; seeing the fine lines of your words scribbled across the page
Did you mean them, or did you mean to just fill the empty spaces of my heart with false
intentions?
I crop it, making it seem perfect to everyone else except me
I’m the only one who knows the truth- cutting off all your lies to make you appear infallible,
isn’t that what you thought you wanted me to do?
Preserve your precious reputation?
I can’t be sure of you, but I can’t read your mind.
I feel cornered in your intoxicating atmosphere which swirls about with deception and greed
I breathe it in and it burns in my lungs
I’m becoming something I always swore I’d never be
This air smothers the flames of my inner most thoughts, swaying me into believing your
every word
I am under your spell as you swear you have me tucked under your wing
How did we begin to soar, even when I knew we were bound to skim on the sea of disaster?
I’ve become a jealous conniving monster
Hungry with desire for something that only temporarily satisfies; your love
It seeps into my soul and wrecks the film of memories taken by my mind
The perfect image of you is gone forever
In its place a gaping hole
I’m at the bottom of it, waiting for the bucket to carry me up from the failure of this lost
wishing well
I call but no one answers
I may drown in my own apathy before you come and save me and help me remember how
to feel anything at all
It’s a cycle, I know
But I can’t help but continue to trust in your saving grace- you save me from the darkest
demons alive in my heart tonight
A more threatening force than you could ever pray to be
Who should I let hold me hostage?
The jail cell in my mind?
Or a place in your arms?
Is one more costly than the other?
I will never be sure, but I know I will always be indebted to you
My greatest joy
My biggest downfall
And my best mistake
You knocked the wind out of my sails, and sank my ship
I now drown in your love
Calling out your name to save me from myself
I feel my last breath escape from my lungs
I am now your corpse, floating lifelessly in your shallow pond of pride
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