Real Pain
[Verse 1]
Everything you did, I kicked to the dust
Told me that you loved me, but that wasnt enough
Tired of bein’ second when you put them first
You let me down so much, now I got nothin’ to trust
You’d lie, say you comin', I’d sit and wait
But when I’m bleedin’ inside, you ain’t never show face
Couldn't call the ones who conceived me —
So why the hell should I believe it when you say you need me?
[Verse 2]
Told me stay in a child's place—so I stayed,
But the place I stayed got me mentally caged.
I seen a kid shouldn’t witness,
Heard the fights, seen the bruises and its sicknenin
Saw mom break down, I was six in the mix
I don’t want this pain no more
Don’t want the realness of life, I wanna shut that door
I got a mom who unstable, a dad who’s ghost
And a heart that ran to mommom, I miss her the most
[Verse 3]
How you gon’ tell me “communicate”
Then shut me out like I’m trash on a dinner plate?
Like I ain’t ya daughter, like I don’t bleed
Like I ain’t been through hell since the age of three
You know pain — why ignore mine?
You know death, betrayal, gettin’ choked by time
But you still don’t see me, don’t feel my love
I loved you more than me, that’s real messed up
[Verse 4]
I lost my best friend at eleven
I know pain like heaven closed up its gates, rejected my blessings
You defend that man, said love is blind
But he broke you down, and I watched you cry
And you defend him with your life — that made me insane.
You said I had daddy issues, like you ain't make that lane.
You laid with a man who ain't care for his seed,
Now I don’t know what a real dad is supposed to be.
When you laid with a man who ain't love his child
You mad I don't call you "mom"? I can't
You raised me in silence, showed love with restraint
[Verse 5]
I got judged, never hugged, called dumb
Got cold shrugs when I needed someone
That gut feelin’ said death was near
Then mommom passed — man, my soul disappeared
Like damn... she really ain’t comin' back
And I blamed myself for that one act
If we never left, she’d still be here
I depended on her — that’s my biggest fear
[Bridge]
Now who gon’ love me?
Who gon’ hold me when the nights get ugly?
Who gon’ say "it’s okay, Sianna, I got you"?
Who gon’ save the kid in the body I grew to?
Mirror show me two — a broken child, and you
I became what raised me, now I’m broke in two
[Verse 6]
Ted? You my father but you ain’t ever been "Dad",
Hikeem? You the step that made the step feel bad.
You threw coffee at mom, and we sat in the back
I saw tears run down her cheek at mom-mom's place
A kid watchin' violence with a poker face
And y’all never said sorry — like that was okay
Like eight years old was too grown to break
[Verse 7]
I love you, mom, and that’s what hurt
I’m a daddy’s girl without a dad — what’s a child worth?
You fed me, clothed me, I’m thankful — don’t get it twisted,
But you ain't guard me from the demons, you just missed it.
And the pervs? You caught that. But the trauma in the walls?
The way he touched or looked? That ain't matter at all?
[Verse 8]
Don’t take it personal when I walk away
When you said “No family till you eighteen” — thats control
I gotta break free, find out who I be
'Cause sometimes I want the old me to R.I.P.
And mommom told you what he did — you turned your cheek
Like that didn’t matter, like I was just weak
[Verse 9]
And when Uncle codi passed in twenty-five
That cut deeper than a razor slice
Three years no contact, then he died in a coma
That same week he said he’d come over
Now I wear his name in everything I breathe
He ain’t get to live, so I live for me
You called mommom’s death my “misbehavior”
But if you said that, then I can’t trust you later
Verse 10- Who gon' save the kid that laughed while the woman that I love was chopped on?
Smilin’ on the surface, inside I’m locked on,
Screamin’ in my chest like a Glock drawn,
Ain’t no peace in my soul, only bombs gone.
I don’t wanna heal, that mean forgettin’ they name—
Jaliyl, Shireen, Codi, Trish—etched in my pain.
These open scars still bleedin’ like they fresh in the rain,
But I keep ‘em, ‘cause lettin’ go feel worse than the flame.
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