New Year's Resolutions
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS (from a dutiful husband for his loyal wife)
I’ll promise in the year ahead
To never, ever fart in bed,
Nor say how she should get thinner
At our anniversary dinner
To she who’ll wash my underpants
I’ll whisper words of sweet romance,
Like ‘dear, I smell your fragrant odour’,
NOT ‘how about a quick legover?’
I’ll promise I’ll learn how to cook
From that old Nigella book,
‘Monkfish Bake with Fried Pancetta’
Though egg and chips would taste much better
I’ll book us both a holiday
Somewhere hot for lazy days,
We’ll get suntanned and drink sambuccas,
(Hope no-one sees my huge verrucas)
High as kites on karaoke
We’ll sing a duet, something folky
‘I Got You Babe’? No, ‘cos on balance
Singing’s not among her talents
We’ll watch the sunset hand in hand,
Strolling on the golden sand,
Taking in the sun-kissed view
When suddenly from out the blue
I’ll take a gold ring from my pocket
Go down on one sore knee socket,
And ask her to renew our vows
On holiday, if time allows
You see, I wouldn’t change a thing….
Apart from ask her not to sing!
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