My Heart's the Final Decision
I sit in a quiet room,
Collecting my thoughts in my head,
To keep me from mental break downs,
And alive not dead.
Thinking about life and my future,
That I hope will soon come,
I block out the past,
And erase what has been done.
No more suicidal thoughts,
Or taking blades to my wrists,
But sittin' here thinking,
And preventing my capable abilities.
I'm in a corner,
This time not alone,
People in this building,
But my mind is blown.
Am I happy,
Instead of lonely with a frown,
Hopefully a guy to look forward to,
In January when he is finally back in our hometown?
No more darkness,
But a feeling of light,
In my heart,
But still deciding if this guy is right.
Not knowing what he's like,
If he's like all the others,
And will just break my heart,
Or if he's actually not an asshole,
The decision is the hard part.
I talk to people,
Who know his past,
Some tell me bad things,
But lies will never last.
I will not rely on people,
For my opinions,
For my decision making,
Because they could be lies,
Or they could be the truth.
I wanna rely on feelings,
Not the judgement of others,
Even though some are really close,
That their juggalo brothers,
But yet I will still rely,
On whether or not,
He's a good guy.
I will take their opinions,
Gather my thoughts,
And sit back in this corner,
Seeing if this happiness has faded away.
I learned from my past mistakes,
But I'm still afraid of getting hurt,
Because one isn't enough,
Two it takes,
To have the same feeling,
So no one has any heart breaks.
So my final decision,
Isn't up to my thoughts,
Or what people think,
It's up to my heart to see,
If this guy,
Is the right one for me!
November 11th,2005
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