Mine
it seems so long
since couples
kissing, caressing, loving
bothered me a bit
yet now i look at them
and think of you
so confused, so used
do i feel
and not sure it’s
not you
who’s been used.
my feelings implode
and i feel and don’t feel
emote and promote
my lack of emotion
and the word
“love”
comes back to haunt
in this time when
“break”
taunts my dreams
while waking hours
are spent envying
those i haven’t envied
in so long, it seems
and yet i know that envy
will come easy to me
whether with or without
you.
with or without
you
i lose myself
and will know nothing
of who i am
while i am
someone else’s
and yet the need to be
held, held tight
is always here
hold tight here
to those arms
that hold me
yours which i liked
to much it seems
or maybe
not enough, it seems
and now my confusion
overflows and fuses
with my losses and my gains
‘til i feel the grain
of this box
closing in
and i’m trapped in this cube
without a way to escape
magic tricks and lies
won’t get me out
this time
i can’t rely on what
i’ve used before
and yet trust in fate
is infamiliar, uncomfortable,
unlikely for me
but he need to believe
is so deep-seated
deep-rooted
that i stretch my limbs
begging for it
to take control
put me out of control
though control
is the one thing that keeps me
sane
while those around me
just…aren’t.
and now i lose it
or it loses me
in my time of need
my need
to believe
driving me deeper
into confusion
fusing with emotion
and promotion of envy
of those couples
it seems i have long forgotten
yet i long to be held tight
to an image
i’ve yet to see
and fear will fail
to ever be
mine
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