Love Regrets
On a day of turbulent winds,
I asked myself a question.
"Should I tell him
Or should I keep it "normal" like
My monotone life?"
Even if he never saw me,
Acknowledged me,
Or even looked at me,
I was always looking at him.
It never mattered the situation.
It never mattered the place.
When they joke that I like him,
I lie saying I don't.
They say if you lie enough to yourself,
It will eventually become truth.
That's not true.
It hurts when you wake up to reality.
It hurts to know he doesn't see you the way you see him.
It hurts to know that you might hurt him by confessing.
So all I can do is act normally
And distance myself so that they don't suspect.
When he said that we're friends,
I know that wasn't true.
I retorted that we weren't,
That it was self declared by him and that we were never in the first place.
I wish I could've taken that back.
But time is cruel and takes away that opportunity.
I should've said that we were friends in that moment.
I should've conversed with others.
I should've never told him that I had no friends.
I should've never said that I never saw them as family.
But I regret never letting go of that ancient grudge the most.
It's too late to say sorry.
It's too late to do anything but wallow in regrets.
I'm glad he knew about my unrequited affection for him.
I'm glad he and I got to talk in brief moments.
I'm glad he was here.
But I can never be happy about my mistakes towards him.
As the rose petals fall from wind and rain,
My heart falls in pieces just like them.
But maybe this will help.
My heart breaks each time I relive that day,
But I may escape from this cycle when there is nothing left to break.
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