Life of You
(His Version of Death of You)
Do I send a bouquet of flowers or a congratulations card? For years we haven’t spoken there hasn’t even been one call
See I am only now realizing how your life turned out, you wrote me a letter and a book that there in black and white spelled it out
You say that you dreamed of me, that you missed me and that you wondered if you ever crossed my mind, and the truth is that you did more than just one time
I told you that I was finally at peace but that was just a lie, something to make myself feel better to match the happiness you have found in your life
I told you the me that you once loved that he had to die, so that I could be the man that I am now a better version of that guy
But what you may not know is that he still resides within, that is why you weren’t made known that his life had come to an end
It’s not that you had no right to know or that I didn’t want you to, but I promised you long ago that I would never lie to you
And although I may tell myself that I am at peace where I stand, I just couldn’t let you know the truth because you belong to another man
It’s not that I am lying to you now I’m only disguising the truth, because you have found your happiness that you sought back then when it was me and you
I am still surrounded by darkness and guilt that won’t go away, although I tell you that I am better now I can’t let you see my dismay
So, I tell you it was her, she is the one that I changed who I was for, because I can’t let you know that after you I died inside and couldn’t take the pain anymore
I couldn’t let you know that I remember the warmth, the happiness of holding you in my arms, I couldn’t let you know that you were the light shining for me or that you still are
You’re right she doesn’t know the version that you once knew, because I had never loved anyone in the way that I loved you
The man speaking to you now his voice is still the same, his words are only wrapped up in disguises of words he wishes he could say
This man wants you to believe that he buried your memory along with the version of the man that you once loved, because he knows that he can never have you, that he could never be enough
I say that I changed for the better but again that is just a fabricated lie, I am still the broken man that I once was denying the guilt I feel inside
My demons that tortured me then they’re still with me now, and you claimed that you loved me in spite of them and I just can’t understand how
You helped me more than you will ever truly know, you are the only person in my life that I have ever let get that close
I know that you wish you could have been there to rescue me from my demise, but my love your soul was just too damn beautiful to suffice what was my life
So, I wish that I could see you now and witness the happiness there in your eyes, but I know that it would only break my heart knowing that I could have been the reason why
But after reading of the pain I put you through and the peace you have now found, I wouldn’t let you know that the man you once loved is still here or that he wants to come out
That he lives with your words that every one punctures his heart, knowing that he had to die so that you could live on
And here I sit, here I cry tears that you will never see, knowing that I am losing you all over again and that it is killing me
I never got to apologize in the way that I wanted to, I never got the chance to look into your eyes just once more so that you could see the truth
But now it’s much too late there is no need for a goodbye, because you said all that you needed to say and appear so happy with your new life
So here I sit a lonely, broken man thinking of the life of you, and knowing that I could have been a part of it but now I know our story is through
Although we are both still above ground there is always a chance, and living with this comforts me while I relive our past.
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