June 18th
I wake up at 7:30 sharp, to
The static of my alarm clock
No discernable noise except for
My own voice whispering, "Today
is The Day."
I could crawl back into bed and pretend
Not to have heard; I could instead pretend
To fall back into my dreams. That way,
I can at least ignore the truth for another hour
Or more.
At some point, but not now, I will have to wake and
Tell you that I don't love you anymore, and hang
Up to the sound of you hating me. And what a shame,
Because you just
Couldn't wait to see me. At last, your Little Lottie will
Prove to be the traitor you never thought she'd be.
I hear the sound of morning, it sounds like daybreak mourning
For the
Promises I made that I can't bear to keep. I regret the day I ever
Said I swore never to leave. I toss and turn until finally, there's no
Doubt that I am awake. I tiptoe through my day as if on eggshells,
Flinching
When you call. I close my bedroom door, throw my pillow on the floor
Take a seat, and learn firsthand the language of goodbye. I stumble
Through my speech, hear you begging me. You don't understand
How I could
Even go through with such a thing. At your house, it must be World War III
But for the first time all day, I feel myself breathe. The weight of you just rolls
Straight off of me, and for the first time in weeks, I can fall fast asleep. And though
Your world
Just falls apart, I become eerily whole, as if I never needed you, not once, not at all.
No offense, but I'm just so relieved, because as of today, June 18th, I find
That I'll survive completely fine
Like fire burning sturdy wood, I won't
Waste your time or mine
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