Love Poem: James
Ali Lynn Avatar
Written by: Ali Lynn

James

Around the corner 
Of the unpaved driveway
Was a claustrophobic shack

The front door 
Was once a cherry red
Like his father's 1968 Cadillac

My car door 
echoed 
As my heels stumbled across the driveway

Caught my balance on the porch swing  
Which is now cluttered 
From the insides of an ashtray

I sat 
On his front porch 
Staring into the woods

The July air 
Brought back all the memories
Like I never knew it could

We used to sit out here
When his dad fell asleep
Talking about getting married 

Sharing thoughts 
About how many kids we want 
To where we wanted to be buried 

I twirl his promise ring 
Around my finger
As I hesitate at the front door

It was unlocked 
But what was hiding behind it 
Was nothing I have seen before

Everything was dirty 
From the carpets 
To the bare mattress in the living room 

Which was a boat 
To the ocean of bottles and cigarettes
He would habitually consume 

I avoid
stepping on food wrappers
As I look at family photos

My favorite one 
Was us with his nephew
Right before he proposed 

I remember his sister 
Thanking me 
For making him a better person

And how 
Without me 
His addiction would have worsened 

I glide my fingers 
Along the wall 
As I go into his bedroom

There was a box
With my name on it
It held pictures and my old perfume

Wrapped in a ribbon 
Were all my letters
Secured in their envelopes

I wrote once a week
Telling him about school
And how I tried to cope

9 months he was gone
But every night 
I sat on my bed waiting for his call

And I would whisper 
On the phone 
Until I saw the light go off in the hall

My parents thought 
He was holding me back 
From my future plans

But the red farmhouse
3 kids and the Cherokee 
Was never something they'd understand 

That all changed 
When fall came 
My junior year

He loved me 
But his old friends
started to reappear

Mocked the changes in his life 
Spit on his progress
Until it drowned his mind 

I left town 
Studied law 
For I became 
Nothing he wanted to find

He apparently had a girl 
Move in
Who was 2 years younger

Had a little girl with her
But he said
He couldn't ignore the hunger

Money 
Fueled his whole being
Until his hands
Were placed behind his back

The police searched his place
Tore everything apart
And eventually towed his father's Cadillac 

7 years have passed
But I finally made it
Back to his part of town

Knowing all the whispers
I had to see his house again
And have one last look around