Love Poem: I Love My Wife
Earl Schumacker Avatar
Written by: Earl Schumacker

I Love My Wife

I love my wife with claws so sharp
Tentacles sure to squeeze me tight
The fangs that sink into my heart
Consuming blood for pleasure 
Keeping me alive vampire like for money

One eye positioned at the center of her head
Another one in back behind the hair
For good measure to watch me coming
And going from the past with attention to detail

A glare, like a lighthouse blinking out hope
A beacon from my giant uni-brow wife  
Guiding me on to the right side of the rocks
Where crashes are inevitable up ahead
Nearer to heaven than one might expect
            
I know what is good but she knows better
It is best to keep ones mouth shut in front of honey
My one hump hunchback.  Why not make it three
Through troubled waters she is still my wifie pooh
According to her decree and she is always creepy
 
Watching me from the back 
Parting her hair in the middle just a little
Which is no small matter but a little scary 
I don't really know her name but that's ok

She stands ten feet tall or better
Carries a machete in her iron clad hands
She is my two eyed wife with one in the front
And the other out back which is fine
So long as they both don't stare at the same time

Sometimes I'm afraid
I'm a man and men don't understand 
It is better to do as she says because she is enormous
I love her because she is there
And she never misses with a knife
She is the misses and I am always in her sights