Godspeed
What just happened?
I ask myself this simple question every day.
How could I have let you...?
How was I so blind....?
I ask myself this simple question every day.
How could one person absorb my thoughts?
My feelings?
My values even!
You turned the hourglass.
My hourglass.
What had once filled my soul with light?
Fell like grains of sand through the gap.
My one weakness.
How did you find it?
Is this okay?
I didn't mean to!
I'm sorry!
Those two words came from my mouth so many times.
Like vomit.
Constant. Uninhibited. Subconscious.
I try so hard to hate you everyday.
Well, I suppose I do.
A little.
You don't deserve anything less than my hate, my spit, the hidden evils of my heart.
The evils I try so hard to conceal.
Yet. Everything you did?
You hurt me.
Did you mean it?
Did you truly intend to find the scars I already had?
Did you intentionally reopen them?
I will never know.
Ah, so there goes my sick curiosity again.
The compassion and trust that lead me into your game in the first place.
You used it.
You used all of my compassion, and trust, and... love.
To your advantage.
For your own gain.
As much as I want to hate you.
You know what they say, eye for an eye.
.......
I can't.
In fact?
I feel sorry for you.
I'm sorry that for some reason...
You feel inadequate.
Amidst this huge world, you feel small.
Insignificant.
Worthless.
That's why you placed that on me?
Isn't it?
but this time?
I will not wish upon you pain and suffering.
But love.
Self-love.
Love for life.
Love for the beauty around you.
And that. Is my healing.
You killed my spirit. You placed upon me your pain.
However.
I am not a victim.
I merely passed this test.
I'm stronger because of you.
I hope you find peace one day.
I hope you break this cycle.
For the first time?
I say.
Godspeed.
|