Gloom Beauty and Despair...(For Envy)
I seem to fall in love constantly;
Seem to find it everywhere I go,
Half buried in the sand, like pieces of fallen moon
Waiting me to pick it up and devour it –
To shred myself to ribbons from the inside
The serrated edges slashing my heart,
And painting my soul with bloody lacerations…
They say love hurts and they would know
But they are men, with hearts cordoned off, locked up
They don’t have my soft core of need and despair
They don’t feel the things I do…
The things I feel for you
Of course it didn’t come as a surprise –
I handpicked you for your perfection after all,
Chose you above a thousand others…
But that doesn’t lessen the pain,
Or the crushing sense of doom that descended when you left
And it doesn’t console me now, as I sit alone
Trapped in my tower of solitude, miles away from you
Not knowing if you could even comprehend this agony,
Or the way my heart glimmers when you smile…
For all I know you are totally oblivious,
Or just thought it was a bit of fun, a casual collision of souls
But deep down I am hoping you aren’t that shallow,
You didn’t seem to be, when you sat with tears on your lashes
Mourning the way life has let you down…
Or when I gave in to my grief and you held me,
Rubbing my back in soothing circles and murmuring your pity
You know we are two tortured hearts alike, mirror images
Your pain matching mine in bleeding lines
We shouldn’t let this camaraderie go…
I don’t want to watch you fade away or turn your back
Because I can’t spend another endless stretch of nights like the last one
Weeping into my pillow as I listen to your favourite song…
I can’t handle that kind of gloom, beauty and despair,
Not for very long…
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