First Love
Oh, where on earth do I begin….Twenty years ago…
There he was. Standing by the door of World Literature Class in 1996.
There I was. Walking past him in the hallways of high school.
Our eyes met and we both knew it was love at first sight….
My Nicholas had these big brown eyes, you see. Full of light, laughter and definitely full of love. He was two years older than me, so I was very insecure at the tender age of only sixteen. The way he gazed into my eyes before we spoke turned my world upside down. Butterflies do not explain my excitement and the anxiousness I felt just to say hi. He was a very confident young man. Maybe too confident. One look at me and his fire ignited and he knew he had to get to know me….
Our first date was at a little restaurant down the street. He held the door open for me and even held my hand in the car. I was so young and said very few words the whole night. All I remember is when he said while in his car on the way home, “you have the most beautiful brown eyes I have ever seen.” I could have died and been happy. A sweet little kiss on the cheek on my porch as we said goodbye… We fell in love very quickly and easily and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. I was in love with a senior, as I was only a sophomore. Other girls wanted what we had. I know they would never be able to feel the passion we felt about each other. Life was great and yes, we faced some ups and downs as all young couples do.
Six years had passed and I was twenty-one years old, him twenty-three. We had spent the last six years falling deeper and deeper in love. I was his soul-mate, but was he mine? It was a cool brisk night as I opened the door to find my Nicholas down on one knee proposing to me. I was in complete shock! I accepted the ring, though a little confused. It took two days for me to think about the rest of my life. I did much praying about this. Was I ready for marriage? Was he the one for me? I was so young and wanted a little more independence in my life. It had been him I was dependent on for so long.
Returning the ring was the hardest thing I ever had to do. His eyes wept and my heart broke in pieces. He was absolutely crushed. His true love had taken away his dreams of being with the one and only young woman he ever truly loved.
I made some impulsive decisions after that. I moved to Colorado with some friends and still, my Nicholas was always in the back of my mind and in my heart. How could he not be? I saw the world and went through a partying phase, which left me nowhere but alone and saddened. It took me six months to reflect on my life and who I was and what I wanted in my life. I prayed all the time for guidance and hope to find what I was looking for in my life. My prayers were answered. I realized what I needed in my life. I flew back to Michigan so fast and gathered my whole family including my Nicholas. I held one yellow rose, his favorite flower. I wrote a short but sweet poem and read it on bended knee. I gave him a white gold diamond accented ring. This time, it was me who proposed to him. It was the best decision I have ever made.
Here we are twenty years later. A beautiful home with a miracle of a daughter who shines inside our souls daily. Four pets who light up our lives and complete our little family. I am so blessed and my pen expresses my love and gratitude for my Nicholas on a daily basis. He is my soul-saving wonder and my line to my life. He reveals parts of me that I never knew existed. I am utterly still in love with this confident guy after all these years. He resounds true melodies in my essence and I am his beautiful princess. He treats me like royalty and I carry the greatest benediction with him by my side. Our love has lasted through eight deaths, my horrible struggles with addiction for years, and other trials married couples face. If he died today, there will never be another man out there for me as long as I live. We have a love that will last a lifetime. I am not just writing these grateful words in exaggeration, this is true to my life on a daily basis. We still miss each other when away for too long. He still calls me a couple times during his breaks at work. We still hold much private passion for each other. I have kept over 28 journals since we met. They are all filled with letters to him and poems I wrote since a young girl so in love with a gentleman. We keep a private journal now and when we feel like it we write each other. He has written me poems and love letters in it. One day, our precious daughter will have these journals and hopefully understand the true love her parents felt about each other….
Oh, where do I end…there will never be an end.
Twenty years ago…there he was…
My Nicholas
~my first love and my only love~
First Love Contest
September 29, 2016
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