Love Poem: Fear of Failure
Gerald Dillenbeck Avatar
Written by: Gerald Dillenbeck

Fear of Failure

I know you don't want to hurt
or even disappoint
me

And I know you don't want to hurt
yourself.

Yet still your shame
and self-blame hurt

Your self-judging
punishing closet frame
suffocates our transparent life
my caring curiosity craves,
and mutual vulnerability
our sharing courage braves.

Addiction to feeling happy
is not free
and connected to sensory satisfaction
nor to ego significant gratification
and certainly does not feed natural 
and water spiritual 
bilateral wealth
of healthy feeling transubstantiation,

Which, as you know,
I also recognize as body and mind healthy
choice transformation voices.

Before you even small ego-voice object,
I also recognize you may feel natural
v spiritual choice
has nothing to do with driving off
without "goodbye,
see you safely soon."

If no physically tolerable choice
of resources to feed serotonin
and water dopamine,
I know, from years of isolated,
neglected depressive experience,
how frightening loss of lonely 
yet sufficient ego-powered control
can feel chronic lack of thrival.

Speaking not of win/win choice,
but inside swatting interminable win/lose Voice
never still
until you self-shame
and blame
hiding hurts
and unfree frames
us both,
unhappy you,
not Here,

And me
loving EarthNatured
EgoSpirited enough for Us,
not yet togathered Now

Still worrying
what will voiceless nonchoice happen
disempowered There
and unenlightened Then
'til suddenly Amen

Our silently uninvited 
apartheid End.