Double Cross My Heart
Selena...Sarah the Sorceress
Russell...the Ghost of Never-land
This year has not been mine
Death laughs at me as he steals my grandfather from me
while I plead emptily for him to take me instead
yet I fail to realize I'm already dead
This sudden move robbed me from my angel
tore apart the fabric of my reality
Time has elapsed, Spring is here
but forgetting gets harder when your own movie replays
it's nearly impossible to let go
It's been almost a year to date and I remain the loser
yet I have a week now, week to dabble in my past
a week to pick up where I left off
How naive can I be; I was thrilled for the life of me
but life quickly reminded me I was better off away..
Time stops for no one and lives stop for nothing
A short memory slip, I'm back to accepting banishing failure
The hope for tomorrow: be better than today
a well received conversation with a father
re-connection with a grandmother
kept pouring into the jar: "Wanting to Stay"
The sun blocks out the blind and I along with it
as the moon, my only guide, shines at night
This fright of life I live can never give a home to a bright-side
hopefully reuniting with my Sorceress will bring this Ghost to life
may it free the anger inside
at the same park where our first date began, our tryst
A decision to make, a road to take just to discard the thought
a yearning to sit and bask in her presence
a yearning to sit and hold her in my arms
but I'd be too afraid to let her go for she may be lost to me
forever and again
Joy and excitement in my heart, killed from the start
as I find her by the bridge, her kid sister in tow
so I glance down for a sign of the fall...I'd live
Moments pass by, talking and wondering why
why she...why she couldn't be mine one final time
No one could best me, put her on a pedestal reaching the clouds
treat like a princess or am I just speaking out of desperation
I didn't know what to do then, I still don't
I know all the words, the motions; I have the oceans on my side
yet all I can do is stop and stare
All the confidence I summoned up subsided
by the fact only four days remain before I'm shipped off once more
to an unforgiving place; an uneven plain of pure torment to my soul
How can it be; I'm feeling alone even with her
man, I miss her...upon this cliff, perched on this rock
overlooking the world I wished for her to see, my arm around her
We let our feelings play out, told our history
as soon as I make my leave, "why did I come here in the first place"
the thought to cross my mind
I felt so lost but I couldn't allow her to see me cry
not here, not with her eyes piercing me
How can it be, how can it be; I guarantee, guarantee...
she'll never miss me...
I knew everything when it came to her even about her other
and all they did together; she told me everything
Has the color faded from my face
all at once, all my claims were broken and betrayed by one girl
I admit seeing her was a victory, a wish come true
but I still left defeated, like what I thought I had to win
I only came to lose
My heart was hers once, will I ever get it back
but lets be honest, no one looks as good as her with that
Couldn't she notice the way I held my head
when my dimmed eyes were focused on the air
Comments fell, goodbyes were said yet no hugs were gave
I believe we would've both broke down
Fear and anguish wasn't present, the feeling of leaving nothing
fell hard like bricks
The wall came crashing down all around, barely making a sound
Tears fell but I let no one see; the music knew all too well
The feelings inside: hurt and pain; looks like agony won today
I started to turn and run but looked back at everything I had loved
speeding off while I wonder if it meant anything at all
I gasp for eternity, regretfully leaving behind beauty
Where's a wall, a punching bag, ANYTHING!
I'm full of rage, sorrow; I need to let it out
I can't accept this, not yet, my future wife in my eyes is a friend
a perfect chance for closure down the drain I'm sorry
How on Earth can I possible pretend
What if the nightmare became the truth
What could I have left to believe in if it were all true...
I have a barrage of questions but I receive never answers
My heart was hers once now it's a delicate necklace around her neck
I didn't love enough to watch myself fall away
like dust on an old carpet
Stranger than fiction, tougher than oak, disturbed as the sea
blue as the sky; lonely than a bird lost in a growing storm
forever I remain
If my heart can take the pain, it might take forever and a day
but I'm willing to wait, wait for what?
A fool to try, a fool to dream, fool to believe, fool to love
only me
when the world takes away the one meant for...
My heart was hers once, dangling on a string
a wolf and a rose, my symbol
Is this all a nightmare, something make sense tonight
has agony won or is this a failed flight
I doubled my heart with a leaf and a wish
but it flew away in the wind...
How do I feel now...empty and vanishing...
I feel I'm growing through grief, have been for so long
and I just can't find my way to accepting this
so a Ghost I started, a Ghost I remain
the sky may be blue
I'm clear this day
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