But It's All I Have
A day, once, when you were just a name.
A name, once, and then it all changed.
Changed, once, and never again.
God, please— never again.
I don't want to look back one day
And think on these memories
And realize that the pain has numbed
Yes it hurts
Yes— yes, it hurts
And I don't want it to stop
I don't want you to go away
I don't want healing to come
I don't want you to be a scar
I learn to get used to
I want this to fester,
To bleed slow and thick
Stuck like initials carved in a tree
I want your smile to still
Steal my words
Even from memory
I know time is a painkiller
And there's no way to stop it
But I'll scratch and claw
The entire way into the pit
As I tumble from this brink of insanity
Where I have built my home
And back into the world of the living
And a sense of normalcy
Screaming your name
And begging for you to save me
I know I can live without you.
This pain isn't a part of me.
I know.
But I want it— God, I want it.
I'll stand barefoot on the broken glass
Of our shattered, messy past
I’ll grip it 'til my knuckles turn white
And I’ll love you ‘til the day I die
|