Blind Date
Well, we met on this site
Quite late Friday night
She was gorgeous from what I could see
Her photo looked fine
So I sent her mine
It was clear that she quite fancied me
Then her profile I read, and
Here’s what it said
“I am slim, I am leggy and fair”
I was sorely impressed
So I thought it was best
I invited her out then and there
Now, the place for the meet
Was a pub on our street
Next evening about seven thirty
I had a hot shower
And smelled like a flower
Don’t want her to think that I’m dirty
It was nearing the time
I’d washed off the grime
I dressed and I’d made me some grub
But my heart skipped a beat
And I just couldn’t eat
So I takes myself of to the pub
Well I had one or two
You know, as you do
To build up my nerve for the date
With one eye on the door
And then just a few more
I was praying she wouldn’t be late
I was checking the clock
When I got quite a shock
She was there right in front of my eyes
Well I tried not to stare
At her head with no hair
At her chest or her gigantic thighs
Then she said “Hello mate,
I am here for that date
I’m Doris and you must Fred ?”
Well, I looks in her eyes, and
I quickly replies
“I’m his twin, my poor brother is dead”
Well, I leapt from my seat
I was up on my feet
I’d got outside
As quick as a wink
After such a big shock
I ran round the block
And had me another stiff drink
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