Bent Shattered and Proud
She doesn’t remember what
she loved about me
so i hold her in my elbows
as if she needed someone to save her
and i hate that i’ve always believed in
things i couldn’t touch
tree house ladder i climbed you
with the weight you swung into me
told the sky
glow heartbeat
glow strong
glow window pane
hold me tight with your seatbelt arms
i am hammock swing
stardust cough
xylophone fingers
bruise easy rock swing
the meaning of yes
the language of whales
she doesn’t remember what we felt like together
she pauses like maybe i won’t see myself in hers
bones i shift
and the city deserts me deep
and indigo sky knuckle down nosebleed
i resorted to creating new memories with you
by looking at old photographs
and pretending i had been in them
glove compartment hawk heart i pulled
sky captain kite punch like
you name me adventure
name me skip trunk keys scrape
name me stranger
like elevator kiss
like storm clouds
like hummingbird heartbeat
i said i like who i am as a person
and you pulled away
as if my skeleton wasn’t big enough to hold both of us
you wore apple core lips
like i should never be sad
that i spent all this time kissing someone who
didn’t want to be kissing me
as if i tasted like relief
like you wanted to cut me into your esophagus
and hush
like quiet city
like loves becoming a plea bargain
like spit me out as a watermelon seed
you say lets get married and name all of our children ribcage
i pull through her thumb locked
and aware of all the times she said apologizing would
just sound empty
and i whisper i hope if i’m getting old
it’s because you make time nonexistent
do not cantaloupe smile
do not flashlight heart
do not risk what you cannot promise on me
do not wear me like we are the same size
i’m building life with slice wounds on the bottom of me feet
deep enough to hide hopes in
so i can wear them into the ground
how to reach from my heart
so you don’t apple adam promises that
sound like
i never lied to you
i want you to teach me
to glow heartbeat
glow strong
glow windowpane
with blood in your
mouth like you thought climbing trees
could teach us to fight distance
remember to hold me
like you know how to shake
remember to keep everything at arms length
remember to palm scoop crayfish
remember to break me
like you know what you cared for about me
these are my confessions on a street corner
bent shattered and proud
I promise to never use words like always
refer to you and I in the future tense
or reveal wishes before they come true
because every person I’ve ever loved
has said I was the best thing
that ever happened to them when they left me.
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