An Ode To Narcissus
All these years I tried to sugarcoat the pain you gave me
I tried to understand your how’s
Accept your when’s
be absent in your where’s
and ended up alone in my why’s
I can’t even believe that I was able to melt
I. was. Able. To. melt. In. your. Arms.
You took all the safety from me
All I could do was curl in or fight back
I am such a rock right now
With all you tossed at me
Fists
Vases
Coffee cups
Purple skins
Chokeholds
Kicks in ribs
Lies and dreams
All the worst saved for me
And it was so often that my alchemy
Failed inside
At first, then
I became more human
Than any human alive
I felt your pain
Running in my veins
I said what I thought I couldn’t
I did what I thought I shouldn’t
We dug the worst monsters inside of us
And let then meet without rules
to gamble with our trust
I couldn't feel sometimes for the sake of life
To protect my soul
And carry on outside
But that’s the worst trap
When to ourselves
We choose to lie
You stuck around
I don’t know why
Hoping one day
I could accept
The version of me
That you created in you brain
And in my body and soul
You sought to materialize
But we were two children
Just old outside
Yet lost inside
Pretending to know it all
And having to face our own lies
And it hurts inside
Cuz I am still here
evaluating my fears
Of being again the victim of those
who loves the reflexes on ponds
But can't dive into their own night
I don’t want to be echo
I can’t be echo
How could I become echo?
So I follow Narcissus
So I follow that light
Was I lonely in desperation?
Was I afraid of my own fight?
Then I humble myself
To understand
That was the journey
The tests set for my life
I learned so much in here
Who am I?
Became
Who I am
What I used to fear
No longer has a hold on me
And hate dissipated
Opening room
For infinity
Life and its lessons
Nightmares disguised of dreams
And it hurts still because
I still believe in love
Yet I forgot to believe in me
So many times
Steps of becoming
That’s part of being me
Being hurt by someone
You gave all entirely yourself away
Is such a test of strength
Because how painful it feels to
See you giving yourself
To an illusion you will never
Obtain
Can your love for yourself
Be enough to that pain
Withstand?
The difference between
Weakness and strength
I fell in love with everything
When I could look with kind eyes
To my darkest sins
Every form of life
Became kin to me
At that moment
Your attacks becames
Yells of help
And I heard your heart
Silently weeping
And the castles were made of sand
And the words were said in vain
And the laughs started to be
Just to ease the pain
Not fruits of hard work
From a pair having cherished fun
And it hurts
And I lied that I was fine
And I lied that I forgave
And I lied that I would not despise
Anything that deviate
From the love that you contextualized
To convince me to forever stay
How could you change when you gained me
Is it your sickness?
Or you just gaming?
How shameful it is
I couldn’t get it
Not even a bit
How someone could be so close
And so infinitely far away from me
You hurt me
You hurt me
And I gave you all of me
You almost change me forever
Glad I recorded evidences of a favorable scene
So I can remind of me when I believed
You were real
Not a decaying dream
You can haunt another soul
But I truly pray that instead
You finally choose to grow
To give that scared little boy inside
The love that he wants most
Yours
I can never hate you
Or anyone for that matter
You are too beautiful
Beyond that perfectly
Shaped matter
That somehow my soul
Don’t crave no more
I will keep walking to this new beginning
This beginning is bright
Full of love and meaning
Brave enough
To sprinkle truth in
Resistant lies
I accept that I became
Something you cannot
Hold tight
And since you said I was once
The best you ever had
Thank you for the ride
Be love
Then love
You will finally find
Goodbye my love
My ears became unable to hear
reality constructs
that are nothing more than lies
It hurts
But now
It’s time
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