Afraid To Let Go
The day started shutting down, the sun was scarlet red:
and my mind felt the essence of the moment.
The beauty of seeing the night unfold touched me,
my soul releasing a tear that I'd held captive in my heart.
I went to the hospital room and sat beside my mother;
and gently held her hand.
She was dying; I couldn't deny that fact.
It pained me to see her like that,
a mere shell of the vibrant woman I loved: my Mom.
My humanity was fighting with my selfishness.
I desperately wanted her to live.
But I knew her time had come!
Her hand squeezed mine ever so softly,
and my heart shattered into a thousand pieces.
I was drowning in a sea of tears!
Her heart was barely beating,
as I continued to hold her hand, afraid to let go.
My head was swimming!
I couldn't find balance, tripping over my emotions;
I was numb to all but my hurt.
To manage her pain, they had her on a morphine drip.
And drip by drip, I felt her life force weakening.
I wanted to rip that needle out!
My conflicted heart was sobbing, not ready to let her die.
Yet, I gathered myself, held her hand,
and watched her peacefully depart this life.
I so wanted someone to blame!
And when Death came, I blamed myself;
and forgave myself, simultaneously.
I looked upon her for the last time;
made my peace with God,
and kissed her goodbye.
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