A Dump of All I Feel
The shadow
Of your betrayal
Hangs over me like a dark blimp
Hiding
My mountain
The mountain I go to, to meditate.
The Mountain where I go to seek Peace.
It was lit before by the Sun above
But now your blimp blocks the Light
And I am waning,
The poor moon who tried
To reflect the Sun
But you are Mortal Immortality
And you have shuttered my Sun inside
A Black Lantern.
You will talk to other men but not
To me.
You don't have enough ENERGY for that,
Only for them.
And you wonder why I text you less
And less,
Why I am not funny, or fun anymore…
Well, funny takes energy, too,
And mine is spent
On looking after you,
On trying to win your attention
(As IF I didn’t deserve it – well, I DID! And I do, Angie)
But I have done with chasing you,
And when I pursue you again,
It will be in a new Light,
My Own Light.
You treated me
Just like HE treated you
(I guess it’s ‘safer’ to be the Abuser
Than to be a Victim, again)
You cannot win,
By holding my reins in your hand,
Dark Rider,
I will take the bit in my mouth and
Throw You Off
And Be Free
And be OUT
From under the Shadow
Of the Dark Blimp
You have summoned
As your Outer Ego’s Last Defense before
You break down and cry and
Tell Me You Love Me Again.
It was my Truth you cannot handle,
That I am in process,
That I am unconventional,
That I believe in the Eternal One
Like I believe in myself.
Since you can’t hurt HIM,
You will hurt me instead,
And you will be proud of yourself
For doing it.
I guess I am less of an Investment
Than thirty-two years of HIM,
And you can’t reach him, anyway,
Because he doesn’t care,
And that’s why you love him so,
Because you can’t trust love anymore,
Especially not your own!
AND YOU LOVE ME,
But it feels sager to hurt me,
Safe, in Control, and Powerful.
How God you are to yourself
When you do this,
And you do not know what you have
Lost.
Lost!
Me!
Who would have loved you well
For a Lifetime.
How can you be so stupid, as to not survive
And Surpass ‘him?’
He is your God,
And you cannot forgive him
For failing to be the God
Who you WANTED ‘him’ to be.
Faugh!
That’s an old word
That means
‘O for the Love of Pete!’
And
‘Fie!’
Is another old word
That means
‘The heck with that!’
(And the heck with you!)
I’m done, DOLCEZZA!
My Sweetness
Has become my bitterness
I love you.
Goodbye.
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