Who's First and Who's Last
Death looms closer with each passing breath.
I feel its approach and can't help but wonder when.
I don't fear death; its visit is a consequence of life!
But when will it arrive?
When love bonds two souls, death is an afterthought,
yet I feel selfish for wishing to die first, but my dread of being alone
outweighs any fear of death.
And yet, l don't wish my soulmate to suffer my loss, either.
The endless joy love gives is a measure of the pain it brings!
The worry of losing my soulmate is greater than my inevitable death
and may well be what kills me!
Tears often swell within my eyes, threatening to spill,
whenever such sad emotions flood my heart, and it hurts.
I try not to dwell on what might happen, but it's no use,
the last few years have not been as assumed…nothing bad,
just nothing great; so few new memories are being created.
Age or sickness is not the enemy.
I feel ok, approaching life's end.
But all that's left is to wait, for the day, for the hour, for the moment,
when one of us will be no more than a memory.
Time is an illusionist!
It moves swiftly and yet appears seemingly slow.
When I think about the love we share for each other,
the pain of our parting overwhelms my heart.
And my anxiety magnifies death's impact
until it's blown out of all proportion.
I wonder how others handle these thoughts;
it's not dying; it's living I fear.
And I cry inside, preparing for the day
when death will choose who goes first; and who goes last.
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