I Don'T Think Prissy Is Pretty At All
Priscilla Penelope Thurston was a young Brazilian beauty with jet black eyes and amber skin that shown like a natural pearl.
You didn’t need to look real hard to know, by any measure, that Prissy was, beyond a doubt, a damn good looking girl.
Her legs were long and slender and her skin as smooth as glass, her hair a radiant copper, full of curls and four feet long,
And everybody’d told me I could never make her mine, so I’d made up my mind to win her heart and prove them wrong.
I started out by wandering ‘round the woods and gathering foliage, popped a couple flowers in to make a fine bouquet,
Then scurried off to Prissy’s house, placed it on her doorstep, tapped the door and slipped behind a bush where I could lay
Out of sight and watch her as she found my heartfelt offering, after which, of course, she raised it up to smell the blooms,
And found my little note that read - “From a secret admirer” - then suddenly started gagging as her nose inhaled the fumes!
Ducking somewhat deeper into where I had been watching from - keen to not be seen as she began to cough and wheeze -
“Oh, my God…it’s poison ivy,” Prissy screamed in tears, while I watched on in horror as she’d choke and gag and sneeze!
Glad I hadn’t signed the note, I scanned the grounds around me, hoping I could sneak away without her spotting me,
But that’s when old man Thurston saw me hiding in their bushes so, thinking fast, I acted like I’d merely stopped to pee!
Glaring at me angrily, I hoped he hadn’t seen me well enough to know me if he’d see me sometime soon,
But, just in case, I ran straight home and cut and dyed my hair, shaved my beard and mustache off, then tried again at noon.
Looking so much different…and I actually thought much better…I once again devised a plan to charge the task head on.
I hired a band to accompany me and - assuming she was home - began to serenade her from the middle of their lawn.
The door suddenly burst open. Oh, she was home alright! But, just as I had changed my looks…..hers had changed as well!
I felt I’d dodged a bullet - guessing she was unaware that it was me who’d left the spray of poisonous weeds to smell.
Her face was thick with gooey slime! Her eyes were all swelled up. Her lips were twice the size they’d been, her nose was oozing gook!
“Go away and don’t come back , you S. O. B.!”, she screamed. “Despite the many things you’ve done to change the way you look,
“The ugly way your head is shaped…the way you tend to slump…the way you walk, hold your head, and…given how your nose
Does you no great favor when it comes to wooing girls, make it all a waste of time ‘cause - everybody knows
“You’re the fiend who left the weeds that boogered up my face! My father says he’d like to have a word with you - inside!”
Having paid the band already - shocked I hadn’t fooled her - I raced away to nurse the many wounds she’d dealt my pride.
Ya’ know, as far as I’m concerned - before she smelled the flowers - she wasn’t all that pretty, and was way too thin and tall!
And now that I’ve had time to think, I’m glad for what I did, and can’t believe I ever thought of wooing her at all!
How the heck was I supposed to know that she had allergies? And I believe that she was out of line with what she said,
‘Cause I don’t slump…I walk just fine…my nose is not that bad…and there ain’t nothing weird about the shape of my damn head!
PS: I've now got 4 new Audio-CDs - @ 4 1/2 hours each = (62 diversely varied pieces). They’re listed on EBAY - under - “Mark Stellinga Poetry” - or available by simply contacting me at -- mark@writerofbooks.com -- should those of you who enjoy listening to poems as well as reading them - and particularly those of you that travel - care to be so entertained. (We use safe and simple - PayPal)
Cheers,
Mark
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