Cultivated Love - Both Audio and Text
This piece was inspired by a similar conversation I had - only with my father - when I was in my teens, shortly before he passed away from cancer. This was tough to write - and to record...
I sneaked away last Friday afternoon to see my mother…I’d finished painting early, so I had some time to spare.
Her surgery’d lasted quite awhile - they’d found a massive cyst. “She’s doing fine,” the doctor said. “She’s in intensive care.”
Everybody knows how doctors tend to be deceptive to keep their patients’ spirits up, so things won’t seem so bleak,
So Mother’s disposition came as no surprise at all, nor what she said when I leaned down to kiss her on the cheek.
“Justin, I’m a bit concerned about the doc’s prognosis. He’s sugarcoating everything. I know the cancer’s bad.
See if you can make him tell you how much time I’ve got…but if it isn’t all that long…please don’t tell your dad.
“Now that both his knees are shot it’s tough for him to travel, and coming here to see me is a major feat, for sure -
But, trust me…if I die without your father by my side…I guarantee you that is something he could not endure.
“It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I’ve lived a long, full life. I can’t complain. I have no great regrets, and feel no fear.
But, son…it tears me up to know I’ll likely die alone if you and Dad don’t find some way - to get me out of here.
“I know our meager home is not exactly ‘paradise,’ but it’s the house we’ve lived in since the day that we were wed.
And I don’t give a darn about what any doctor says…I’ve absolutely got to get back home before I’m dead.”
Not a real good time to argue, I just said, “Now, Mom…you know that Doctor Bell’s been doing everything he can.
I’m sure that he’ll release you when it’s safe for you to leave. He’d never hide the truth from you…he’s not that kind of man.
“Sometime late tomorrow afternoon - when Dad’s asleep - I’ll call the doc and quiz him. Try to make him take a guess
At when you’ll reach the point where they’ve done all that they can do, and finally send you home with me and Dad - to convalesce.”
“Thank you, dear,” she faintly said, “and don’t misunderstand...I’m pleased and quite impressed with what the doctor’s done so far,
But I believe that, when you die, your greatest two concerns are…first and foremost - who you’re with, and, second…where you are.”
“But, Mom,” (I couldn’t help myself), “in here you’ve got the nurses. The food is great, the bathroom’s huge...there’s always someone close.
You’re constantly surrounded by professionals. At home…Dad and I are apt to make mistakes - on time…and dose.”
“Yes, I know…and Justin, dear, I‘m sure it won’t be easy, but even if my life is slightly shortened…that’s my choice.
I can clearly see the apprehension in your eyes, and hear the desperation and reluctance in your voice,
“But being home, for Lester - who I know is lost without me, despite that I am close to helpless - is my main concern.
When you’ve loved each other for as many years as we have, how you come to need each other’s something that you learn!
“Dr. Bell’s fantastic. As a surgeon, he’s the best. He’s helped me go on living, and I thank him very much,
But once he’s helped me all he can, the best thing I can do…is reap the tender comforts found in - only Lester’s touch.
“You see…despite the wondrous things that medicine can do…the one thing that it’s lacking…and will always be short of… Is something that’s intangible - yet heals like nothing else...and that, dear boy, is something known as - ‘cultivated love.’”
PS: I've now got 4 new Audio-CDs - @ 4 1/2 hours each = (62 diversely varied pieces). They’re listed on EBAY - under - “Mark Stellinga Poetry” - or available by simply contacting me at -- mark@writerofbooks.com -- should those of you who enjoy listening to poems as well as reading them - and particularly those of you that travel - care to be so entertained. (We use safe and simple - PayPal) There are a bunch of my pieces on YouTube as well ---
Cheers,
Mark
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